Right royal rev­e­la­tion

Townsville Bulletin - - NEWS -

I MUST be get­ting soft. The news­reader said the Queen was about to get a pay rise and I didn’t feel the vaguest urge to chuck a brick through the TV screen. Mind you, it’s a new telly and I like it.

She does all right for her­self, Her Maj ( pic­tured).

She gets mil­lions and mil­lions up­front. And she banks mil­lions and mil­lions, largely from rent­ing out her prop­er­ties.

That’d be some hol­i­day, wouldn’t it, rent­ing one of the Queen’s many pala­tial homes?

I won­der how much she’d charge for an overnighter at Wind­sor Cas­tle. Do they do B& B? Eggs hol­landaise, thanks.

To be fair, the Queen has lots of over­heads.

She has to pay her staff and there are plenty of those.

She also has to cater for vis­it­ing dig­ni­taries and she has to travel the Com­mon­wealth to make sure it’s all run­ning smoothly.

Her clean­ing bill must be enor­mous. Just imag­ine the win­dows. And dust­ing the chan­de­liers.

Feed­ing the cor­gis? I bet they’d turn their noses up at Pal or Chum. Even Pedi­gree would be be­neath them.

And don’t men­tion the home brand stuff. There’s one in the su­per­mar­kets that is called just “Dog Food.” They may as well mar­ket it as “Corgi Re­pel­lent”.

And what’s the mar­ket price for a good polo pony? They can’t come cheap.

I must ad­mit my feel­ings for the roy­als have tem­pered over the years. Still a com­mit­ted repub­li­can, I can see some value in Their Majesties and High­nesses. My old “Vote Yes For Our Re­pub­lic” T- shirt is now food for moths in some for­got­ten drawer. One dis­ap­point­ment for me is PM Mal­colm Turn­bull’s lack of heavy lift­ing on the is­sue.

He was once a com­mit­ted, even vo­cif­er­ous, repub­li­can, but he’s gone a bit quiet. He thinks it’s a hot potato.

Per­haps he’s a sook. Or per­haps he senses the mood cor­rectly. Aus­tralians are more con­cerned with j job cre­ation than grand sym­bolic ges­tures.

And a goodly por­tion of Aussies l love their roy­als. Sales of Woman’s Day bear that out.

Who can re­sist adorable lit­tle Ge­orgie Porgie and sis­ter Char­lotte? You just want to pinch their chubby cheeks and ruf­fle their hair and give them a lollipop.

Wills and Kate are mak­ing a fair fist of it, al­though Wills doesn’t look like he wants the top job, the one with the crown. He looks as if it bears heavy on his shoul­ders.

Any­way, he’s got to wait un­til his dad has a crack at it first. With the noted longevity of the roy­als, Wills may be 80 years old be­fore he gets a go.

Harry’s a likely lad. He could do with a shave, but that’s his busi­ness.

Harry ad­mit­ted this week that he had con­sid­ered quit­ting the royal ranks and liv­ing as a com­moner, ex­cept he felt a duty to his grand­mother to soldier on.

Good boy. No mat­ter how ar­chaic the sys­tem, it’s good to do some­thing nice for granny.

Harry said he en­joyed his time in the army be­cause he was treated as “just Harry”.

Per­haps this says more than any­thing about the chang­ing of the guard. Maybe even the roy­als don’t want to be roy­als any­more.

Per­versely, as a repub­li­can, I have started col­lect­ing royal mem­o­ra­bilia.

Old glasses em­bla­zoned with regal in­signia, a vase com­mem­o­rat­ing the wedding of Charles and Di, spe­cial is­sues of news­pa­pers pub­lished for the Queen’s corona­tion, books of royal vis­its to Aus­trala­sia.

I reckon, come the re­pub­lic, they might be worth a few quid. For old time’s sake.

God save the Queen. Or King. Or some­body.

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