Help little ones handle back- to- school blues
WHILE some children are excited at going back to school, prep or daycare, there are others who find it a difficult time of year.
After spending extra time with their adored parents over the holiday break, returning to school or daycare can be a real struggle.
It is heartbreaking for a parent to have their child peeled off them and instructed that a quick exit is best and to leave while hearing their child beg or scream for them.
As a parent you will wonder if you’re doing the right thing. Rest assured, many children within minutes of you leaving will calm down and then ultimately be busy and engrossed in their play or occupied with other friends.
As bad as it sounds when you walk away, they cope, the fear and anxiety of separation from you is only minutes.
As a parent, please phone the school, kindy or daycare 15 minutes later to check.
Staff understand and welcome your call. It is certainly relieving to know that within five minutes all was forgotten for your child and they were busily playing.
Why do they cry? It is all to do with attachment. Your child has a very strong attachment to you.
Psychologists know the importance of a strong attachment to parents and wider family.
Children need to be strongly attached to adults, ideally more than one adult.
Think about when in the future if a marriage should break up what do most adults do for a short time? They usually return home to their parents or family to consolidate – back to their primary attachment.
Once they are feeling more secure they are able to make decisions about their future and then become independent once again.
It may make it easier to understand why, but it is still extremely hard when your child needs to separate from you.
How long does this take, you ask. Well, a few weeks or so. Generally each day you leave your child at school, kindy or daycare the distress at separation will shorten.
I would only be concerned if their distress increased and drop- offs became harder. At that point after a few weeks I would seek some expert advice and real strategies and tips to lessen your child’s anxiety.
A psychologist who is knowledgeable in separation anxiety will be able to help both you as a parent and your child to feel more secure. For the moment, though, try a floor transition.
By that I mean ensure your child is on the floor and engaged in an activity/ play or eating morning tea and then you should leave. by completing activities with parents, siblings and extended family.
Developing hand- eye coordination, balance and other motor skills which will contribute to overall skill development and progression as your child grows.
Providing time away from technology and away from school work and any homework- related pressures. Leisure activities can act as a stress reliever.
Developing confidence and providing for successful and fun experiences. Playing sport and overall motor co- ordination may be your child’s hidden talent and an area that they can experience success in.
Helping with bedtime. Being physically active during the day may assist in achieving a reasonable bedtime routine for children and a good night’s sleep for all.
Developing healthy habits for the future. As children grow, so too do the many pressures and demands on their time. Setting up time for leisure activities in the early years will help facilitate this later on into adolescence, adulthood and even into parenthood with their own children.
And, of course, this can be achieved in an active way that appeals to them.
Try putting your child down and get them busy and then exit, quickly.
The longer you hang around the more anxious your child will become with the anticipation of you leaving.
Running late also only makes children more anxious, so be on time and one of my best pieces of advice is to actually be early.
It is less intense with less noise, busyness and children if you are early. While in the car on your way there, talk to your child about what is going to happen, when you will be back and what your child needs to do when you arrive.
Your child needs to put away their hat, lunch box, bag, water bottle etc.
The busier they are then the less anxious they will be.