Learning to be kind
Kids must train to be nice until it becomes second nature
TEACHING kindness is the opposite of bullying, I believe. Children are not born good or bad; they need adults to show them and teach them how to become caring, kind and respectful throughout their childhood.
Children need to learn that it is kind to pass the ball to a teammate who may not be the best at the game rather than leave them out. They need to learn how to stand up for a friend when others are being nasty. As parents we certainly need to value kindness just as much as we value academic achievement. Have high expectations for your children when it comes to kindness and your moral values as well.
I remember as a child participating in the most mind- numbing sport of softball. Within a few weeks of what seemed like endless hours daydreaming, I asked my parents if I could quit. My parents wisely said no. Even though this made me unhappy, I had a commitment to my team and needed to see the season out. This was a valuable lesson about caring for others, or being part of a team, and commitment, which is more important than my immediate happiness. They were right, and I have done the same with my children at times when they have wanted to quit an activity. They need to consider their actions, effect on others, not just themselves. This is putting others first, instead of yourself and what will just make you happy.
Kindness starts at home with how children speak to their parents or their brothers and sisters. Make sure that they always are respectful, even when they are obviously tired, hungry, angry or would rather be doing something else. We all get tired, hungry or angry but you choose how to respond and talk to others.
What about at school? At your next parent- teacher interview ask the teacher if your child is kind. We ask how they are going academically and socially and about their behaviour in class. So just add kindness to your list.
What if you already feel that your child isn’t particularly kind? It is never too late to become a good person, but it won’t happen on its own or without a good example. Children need to practise caring for others, not just looking after themselves and being independent. Part of practising caring is saying thank you or saying how you value it when a child does something kind for you. So teach your child to be grateful and say thank you.
Have siblings help each other with setting the table or other chores. Ask them to grab their brother’s lunch box if he has forgotten to take it out of his school bag and put it on the bench. These are all daily opportunities for your child to practise kindness.
Interestingly enough, studies show that people who are kind and helpful are also likely to be happy and healthy! So all parents want their child to be happy, they just don’t realise the key to get there is to teach their child to be kind. As a parent be sure to give them opportunities to be helpful and compassionate.
So just how do you teach children to be kind? Well it is a skill and just like any other skill we learn it by practising. The more your child practises being kind the better they are at it. Think learning to play the piano; you have to practise daily, so too your child needs to practise kindness.
I often ask families to share their gratitude. By this I mean to pick a time every day as a family when you can talk about what you were grateful for that day. Often it is at the dinner table, but it can be in the car driving home from afterschool activities, or it can be at bedtime. At the start this can be quite difficult; kids tell me it’s hard to think of anything, so start with even being grateful for the fact that mum packed your lunch or dad washed your uniform or you noticed a butterfly on your way to school. It only has to be small and before too long it becomes easier and easier and children become more grateful as well as kind. Parents tell me they enjoy it too! So take a moment to think about what would work for your family, where you could add in ” grateful time”, and start today.
Email questions to aboutababy@townsvillebulletin.com.au. Nicole Pierotti is a child psychologist who is an expert in helping solve sleep problems. Call 4724 2600 or go to babysmiles.com.au