The plane truth is boarding can be tricky

HE THINKS I’M JUST A LAYABOUT

THEN SAID WITH A SMILE “PRICE GET OUT”,

THREE WEEKS HOLIDAYS HE DID SEND …

BUT BOSS I HAVE TO BE RETRAINED AFTER A LONG WEEKEND.

I’ve learnt the true meaning to the most important two words used in an airport, “Boarding Now”!

I’m about to share them, won’t take a moment, but it’s an enlightening epiphany to all you blokes travelling with your significant other, your partner or whatever the latest politically allowable description may be.

We went south to see family, and someone who will remain nameless, let’s simply call her a random name – I know, Barbwa – well she revealed to me once again the inglorious unpredictable habits of one’s travelling companion.

Here is what should be in the dictionary … oops … I mean Sillipedia: The “Boarding Now” announcement actually means Toilet Now, then Shopping Now, after that’s it’s Try Perfume At Duty Free Now, but after that it’s, once again, Toilet Now!

I’m contemplating this suggestion to the airlines, two separate times on the flightboard, a more “His and Hers” boarding call.

So this is how it happened … once again doing the “late to the gate skate” (bags sliding everywhere and knocking over Japanese backpackers by the score), you finally get to your gate number, the girl nearly throws the headphones at you, you get to the door of the aircraft (you can almost see the pilot wake up and point to his watch) ... you’re last, in fact you’re more than last, in fact you’re so last you’re almost next … and the head hostie gives you the “this is your fault” look, your girl gives you the “this is your fault” look, the lady in the first row gives you the “this is your fault” look, you look at your companion with the “don’t look at me like that” look but every bloke gives you the “not your fault mate” look, and the “I’ve been there” look, followed immediately by the famous “let’s have a beer mate” look.

Look, this may seem an exaggeration, it’s not, OK maybe a little!

The lads could see my look of suppressed cyclonic fury, and gave me the “how are you doing it” look, followed immediately by the “you poor bastard” look.

I almost closed my eyes so I couldn’t look. But we made it, few words spoken until the inevitable “I would have bought that perfume if you hadn’t been making me rush”. I gave up, and wondered if I could hide in the sick bag.

I love holidays, you get to “not do” any of what you planned “to” do during them! And I love scribbling my silliness to you, and something else, right or wrong, I feel deeply guilty having holidays, doing what I’m doing, while so many of my mates, and friends I’ve not met, are doing it so very tough.

With businesses slowly on the positive side of the mango tree, it’s a joy to see them give so much during the Red Shield Appeal. Thank you sometimes doesn’t seem quite enough. But it’s a good start. Thank you.

Happy days.