Aged men’s silent wall

THE article by Alison Houston in the Bulletin’s Older and Wiser section featuring retired psychologist Roger Matheson, titled “Searching for purpose”, deals with older men coping with the traumas and dramas of retirement.

It is a well-written article and one I can relate to.

I am well into the vintage years, 85, single and still enjoy a healthy appetite for life. I have had both knees reconstructed, surgery for hernia and haemorrhoids, surgery for prostate, no cancer (thank goodness) the enlarged prostate was blocking the urinary channel. I am now awaiting cataract surgery.

Last year I advertised in the local newspaper the Herbert River Express to try to form a support group.

I paid for it out of my own pocket, asking any man who has had prostate surgery, and would like to contact me for a coffee and a chat, to call me.

I did not get one call. I spoke to my GP, who put me on to a group called the Men’s Shed. So off I went, introduced myself, and gave him a thumbnail sketch of my background. He was impressed and mentioned that he had lost two very good mates to prostate cancer, and they did not talk about their problems.

He asked if I would be interested in coming one morning and talking to the guys at smoko. No sweat, I replied, just call me. I am still waiting for that call; it’s about two years now.

The majority of men do not like their comfort zones disturbed by talking about their ailments to people.

I speak to many wives who are trying to cope with the wall of silence. I talk to many people daily while I am in town, shopping, in supermarkets and at the post office etc, and I find them eager to just exchange a