Alternative milestones worth celebrating
IF YOU’RE a new parent, revelling in your baby reaching their milestones is one of the more rewarding parts of parenthood. From their first word to their first tooth, that special moment is one that will be etched in your memory.
One mum decided parents also needed to celebrate the “frustrating” baby milestones.
“The ones that maybe I’ll enjoy more if I consider cause for celebration instead of causes to curse under my breath,” she posted on Reddit, detailing what to expect in each special milestone to hilarious effect. The poop touch
“This is the epic battle to see if one’s small hands can touch one’s poop as soon as the diaper opens before mummy can get to it with a wipe. Requires ridiculous speed and is best accompanied by attempts to roll away during the change.”
The Banshee
“This is when one throws one’s voice as loudly as possible in a shriek for no apparent reason. Best done when mummy isn’t looking to maximise her startle reflex.”
The almost tooth
“This isn’t the milestone of the first tooth. This is the endless teething before. The random days of mouth pain that don’t bare any fruit. Can last for months. Best accompanied by protests when fed solids, sleepless nights, and gumming mummy enough to make her shudder at the thought of actual teeth coming through.”
The pincher
“This is when one discovers the power of one’s hands to inflict pain on mummy. It’s a sharp pinch and twisting of any exposed skin.”
The quasimodo shuffle
“This isn’t quite crawling and is somewhere past the army crawl; it’s when one moves one’s body in a very odd way with surprising speed to reach objects. Must reach maximum velocity while mummy is trying to quickly pee before one reaches unsafe objects to attempt to eat.”
www.kidspot.com.au