SECOND TIME NOT SO LUCKY

Why secondmarriagessecond marriages aren’t always a recipe for success

WITH each waltz down the aisle, many brides and grooms expect another chance at happiness, but unfortunately the statistics tell a different story.

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, in 2020 the crude divorce rate was about 1.9 divorces per 1000 people. Additionally, although 30 per cent of first-time marriages end in divorce in Australia, up to 60 of second ones have the same outcome. So why are second marriages more likely to fail?

Sydney relationship counsellor and psychotherapist, Shane Warren, says that blended families and loyalty struggles are just two of many issues.

“In my observation … the greatest contributor to the breakdown of a second marriage is the repeating of the same, or similar, mistakes of the past,” he says. “Sadly, when relationships break down, many people tend to focus on the healing of the grief and hurt. They overlook the lessons of the experience, setting themselves up to repeat the ‘same’ mistakes that lead to the end of a relationship.”

Other problems that arise include money issues due to child support and spousal maintenance payments. Also, some people marry again for the wrong reasons.

“Certainly the financial burdens of past relationships will bleed into the stresses of the new one,” says Warren.

He says we are all also guilty of bringing baggage into a new dynamic.

“What is important is learning to let go of that baggage, and using it as a toehold to be a better partner in the future,” he says.

“You also need to work on accepting that your partner’s baggage is what has helped them to become the person you have fallen for. So work together to let go of what is not good for moving forward with one another.”