It’s never too late to learn the crucial lessons of respect
ITELL my kids I love them morning, afternoon and night. Last time my son was here, he said to me: “Dad, are you going to go on like this forever?” and I said “Yep”. I’m a father to twin daughters and a son and there have been times over the last year where I’ve had really frank and challenging conversations with them.
As a dad, I am here to love, support and encourage them in everything they do and when I think their behaviour is unacceptable or inappropriate, it’s time to step in and have a chat.
My job is not to be their best friend — it’s to be a supportive and loving parent who allows them to take responsibility not just for everything that’s great and good about them but for how they carry themselves each day. I’m here to help them learn, to respect themselves and the people around them.
Our daughters have this beautiful, free-spirited ability to communicate all of their emotions. It can be harder for boys. We often talk about sport, work, school or cars. But these are safe conversations, they’re not dealing with anything real or personal. They’re external to us.
About five years ago, much to my son’s frustration, I made a concerted effort to openly talk to him about everything — emotions, vulnerability, the times he’s been upset in the past.
During that talk I kept reminding myself that I needed to help him develop a language that’s relevant to him, that allows him to communicate his experiences and emotions, but is respectful of other people. You can still say what you want to say while showing respect.
Whether it’s school, social media or other adults, kids are exposed to a huge range of behaviour and not all of that’s going to be healthy.
It takes courage to speak up in those situations, especially for kids.
So when a child brings to our attention that there’s been some inappropriate behaviour or if we witness another adult saying something disrespectful, we should be able to have a conversation with our child about it.
It can be hard for kids to see the bigger picture. Yes, they’ll admit they said something disrespectful, yes, they were hurtful, but they can struggle to see beyond their own situation, how a certain pattern of behaviour, if allowed to perpetuate without any responsibility or accountability, can lead to violence.
That’s why I’m a ambassador for the Stop It At The Start campaign, which recognises the critical role conversations about respect play in young people’s lives. As I say to my daughters, someone has to earn the opportunity to be your friend or your boyfriend. It’s important that they respect who you are and your boundaries.
When we feel that we’re not being respected, ultimately we have the choice of speaking up. And I want all our kids to understand that they deserve to be respected. That’s a basic, fundamental right of every person. If you’re unsure where to start, look at www.respect.gov.au, where there are simple conversation guides and information about how to talk about respect.
The more you’re willing to sit down and have these conversations the less challenging they feel.