FRANCES WHITING
This person … eats pickled herring out of a jar at lunchtime
My last column about various office types sparked quite the conversation in my own office, mostly people demanding to know if I had based any of the categories on them – “I’d better not be The Confessor, Frances”. Some of my co-workers then spent an inordinate amount of time dissecting who was who in our own newsroom, so if your newspaper was a bit slim last week, you’ll know it’s because the reporters were sitting around saying, “Who do you think The Gossip is, I bet it’s Hilary.”
They also let me know that I had missed several other types of co-workers, and here follows some of their suggestions. And by the way, for those of you who asked, and probably guessed, yes, I am The Cheerleader.
Also the Technophobe. And possibly
The Apologiser. Sorry.
The Fitness Fanatic This person rides their bike to work, or runs, and spends a lot of time talking to you about split times. Keeps trying to get you to join their Peloton class. Really, really loves hydrating.
The Oversharer This person went to their niece Sarah’s christening on the weekend and it was great, Chris and Diana made it up from Sydney in time, but Dan and Lucy have still got Covid so they couldn’t be there, which was a shame because remember last year when they missed Milly and Simon’s wedding? You don’t, but it doesn’t matter, because they’ll have eight billion photos to show you.
This person has worked beside you for 15 years, but you have no idea who they are, what they do, where they live, if they have a family, a partner, kids, a dog, or any other piece of information about them. This person has never attended a single office function in their life, and everyone is convinced they work for ASIO.
The Kitchen Nazi This person leaves notes on the fridge door, benchtops and cupboards that say: STOP, IS THAT YOUR COFFEE CUP? and THE KITCHEN FAIRY IS ON A BREAK. They often begin these notes with the phrase, TO THE PERSON WHO … and always use capital letters. ALWAYS.
The Technophobe Despite doing the exact same computer training as you, being sent on additional courses and receiving one-on-one tutorials, this person spends most of their time on the phone to tech support saying, “I clicked on the arrow thingy and did the space bar and now my whole screen is doing this
The Procrastinator This person has been working on the same two-week project for five months, and every time you ask them how it’s going, they’ll say “really good, thanks”. You will come to work one day, this person will be gone, and you will be given their project to take over.
The Apologiser This person begins every sentence with “sorry”. “Sorry to bother you, but …”, “Sorry about this, but …”, “Sorry to interrupt, guys”, “Sorry, did you say you needed this by Friday?” Sometimes they apologise for something you’ve done wrong, and you let them.
The Quirky One This person wears patchwork-quilt jackets, tunics, hemp pants, porkpie hats, silver bracelets, green knee-high boots, a satchel crossbody bag and pirate earrings to work. Eats pickled herring out of a jar at lunchtime.
Got any more? Throw me a line. frances.whiting@news.com.au