Help, it’s my next door nightmare
NEIGHBOURHOOD DISPUTES CAN BE TRICKY TO SOLVE
Dear Sandy, After losing my wife and selling our family home of 40 years in May, I downsized and moved into a unit in a quiet suburb of Brisbane. I am happy with the unit but my neighbour is a nightmare. She sits on her front porch for hours each day and yells abuse at me whenever I come out my front door. She claims I am noisy (I am not), that my rubbish bins smell, and she yells personal insults about my appearance. I do not want to move but her abuse is affecting my mental health and my enjoyment of my new home. Please help.
Tom, New Farm
While cold comfort, yours is not a new story. There are many people who move to new neighbourhoods, upsize, downsize, move into residential care or assisted living, only to be confronted with disturbing neighbours. In truth, it’s unlikely that you will be able to control your neighbour without some conscious intervention and effort from you. Such behaviour bespeaks mental health issues; it seems her pleasure is your pain. This prognosis does not bode well for the choices you have.
As I see it, you could consider the following. You could confront her on each and every occasion she yells or abuses you. I am guessing this will only escalate her verbal assaults and go down a path you would not want. Secondly, as you have the civil right to quietly enjoy the property, you are certainly able to make a complaint to the police or seek advice from a lawyer.
Predictably, this will be costly to you and would certainly disturb any peace you may be seeking.
Alternatively, consider contacting your body corporate and getting them to document your allegations. She may also have caused a disturbance to other residents, and it would be worth knowing this. It would be
interesting to also know if she is a tenant or if she has a history of being rehoused.
Have you made friends with other residents? What are their experiences and how have they managed or responded to her? You could be the new kid on the block and she is targeting you for that reason alone? It would be hard to believe you are the only person she has behaved like this to.
Moreover, you could take the lead and befriend this woman. If we accept that she has some mental health problems, consider asking her over for a coffee and discuss how it upsets you that she is yelling out at you. If this is too much, consider doing a little task for her like bringing in her bins or even asking her if she wants something from the shops. Ultimately, if none of these options change her behaviour and your health continues to decline, then sadly, you may have to consider relocating and finding another property. You would be aware that this is an expensive and costly exercise in time, emotions and dollars. Work hard to resolve it in a peaceful and amicable way and see if the abuse can be de-escalated through nurturing a positive relationship with her.
You Yo could take the th lead and befriend b this woman. If we accept that she s has some mental m health problems, prob consider asking her over for a coffee and discuss how it upsets you that she is yelling out at you
Sandy Rea is a leading practising psychologist with 30 years’ experience across issues including relationship challenges, family and parenting related matters, adolescent and developmental issues, mental health, depression and anxiety.