Price of free and easy speech just $8 a month

THE saddest thing about Elon’s Twitter verification disaster is realising that underneath all that highly politicised sweariness, our world’s best opinionators are just a bunch of tight arses.

This all seems to have blown up – especially on social media - because besides sacking all his staff and giving Donald Trump back his old job as leader of the free Twitter, Elon has heralded a $8 a month charge for the platform’s validating blue tick, even if he is now reconsidering the idea.

It seems a small price to pay to be consecrated as an arbiter of truth, voice of a generation (VOG) and instant women’s sport expert all in the same package deal with the possibility Bono may call you up on stage one day to talk about your personal struggle with dietary supplements and how just like every other twit you’re here to save the world all in 280 characters or less.

I get it. The Twitter blue tick is highly prized. Only three weeks ago I received a printable congratulatory certificate from Twitter for my fourth year anniversary of joining the platform. But if Elon thinks I’m going to now pay $8 for it, well, I’m not going above $5, not in this current market.

Who knew (clearly not Elon Musk – so much for being a visionary) that asking a bunch of opinionated influencers to actually reach into their pockets and subsidise some of that free emoji cred would reveal how much they are really willing to pay.

These VOGS are delusional. Of course, like everything else in our society that isn’t nailed down, everything has its price. Existentially the big question we must all now confront is: If I don’t have a blue tick on my Twitter account do Kevin, Greta, Donald, the cats-doing-crazythings and that Boris Johnson parody account really exist?

Luckily, there are other avenues for VOGS to express their must-beheard wisdom other than on Twitter. Gluing yourself to artistic works of genius in public galleries appears to be the latest go-to along with hulahoops, yoyos and photographing your kale lasagne and sending the image to Gwyneth Paltrow for uploading on her Goop website.

Some VOGS are threatening to quit Twitter if they can’t get their blue tick for free. And of course, like the now-extinct dodo, once you lose a celebrity giving their expert political opinion there is a risk they might explode or never come back unless you bottle their DNA.

But we’ve heard this all before. I mean wasn’t Madonna moving to Canada with the election of Trump or stopping making music or both? Yet she’s still US- based, and still turningup in my Spotify Happening 80s recommendations.

I say good on the VOGS and the residual far less interesting blue tickers who we don’t really care about, eagerly announcing their willingness to quit Twitter or even move overseas. After all, the beauty of social media is that you can post about world poverty from literally anywhere on the planet and on any platform you like and no one will ever know you’re actually in

Tuscany. Best of all, you didn’t have to cough up $8.