You might be up s--t creek but at least we know why

Good morning lovely readers, today’s column comes to us via Jen’s curiosity. Jen was enjoying a little peace and quiet at morning tea when a colleague arrived bemoaning the fact that his students were completely “up the creek” with the new topic and he’d have to try yet another means of “luring them into the excitement that is Shakespeare”. (I doubt that there is an English teacher anywhere on the planet who has not faced that question at some time, but teachers are a creative and focused group and a way would be found.) What followed after everyone’s suggestions were given voice was a question about why people are up a creek? Where is this creek? Is it a particular kind of hell from which there is no escape, filled with people in vessels of all kinds destined never to leave?

You have to love teachers. They are a curious bunch so under the leadership of Jen, they decided to contact me to tease this thorny question out.

Right, I love a challenge and armed with my trusty copy of the Seafaring Dictionary by Blackbourne (yes, there really is one), various books on the history of phrases, some books about Napoleon, Nelson and Wellington, an atlas of the UK and my Dad’s many stories, I set out to identify the original expression, its derivatives and their origins.

Let’s begin with the expression and derivatives shall we?

• Up the creek;

• Up the creek without a paddle; • Up poo (you know which word I mean) creek; and

• Up poo creek in a barbed wire canoe.

In Hampshire is a place called Gosport and at number 3 Haslar Rd, we find the historical site of the Royal Naval Hospital, Haslar. This follows a long-established protocol of the

Royal Navy naming its bases simply by geographic name. The Royal

Naval Hospital was opened in 1753 with the goal of providing the best available treatment for naval personnel. This was later expanded to incorporate army and air force personnel. The hospital operated continuously as an armed forces hospital until 2007 becoming the oldest hospital in the UK. It operated a further two years until 2009 as a public hospital and then was closed permanently.

Royal Navy Haslar was designed to treat and house 1800 patients, an extraordinary feat at the time, but it must be remembered that there were wars taking place. Between 1756 and 1763 the Seven Year War against France required medical treatment for sailors and soldiers from the front as did battles during the Anglo Spanish War such as the Battle of Cape St Vincent. The Napoleonic Wars were fought between 1803 and 1815. During this period, a fenced off hospital ward was built to attend to enemy troops requiring medical treatment while ensuring that escape was not possible. This period saw a plethora of battles – the Battle of Trafalgar (1805), Battle of Copenhagen (1801), Battle of Toulouse (1814), Battle of Orthez (1814) and many many more.

Suffice it to say, a lot of men required medical and surgical treatment for a large chunk of history. Right, so with so many land and sea battles being fought, there must have been many patriotic men signing up to serve? Well, yes and no … there were those proud to sign up and serve, there were also those who suddenly found themselves bundled out of public houses as apparently, they’d signed up. I know what you’re thinking, surely they did not have recruiting stations in pubs. Actually, it’s more devious than signing up drunk men. There were men sent out to public houses whose job it was to secretly drop a silver shilling – the King’s shilling – into a man’s pot of beer. When he drained the pot and found the shilling, he was said to have ‘accepted the King’s shilling and signed up. Tricky and devious was it not?

Just a note, during this time, ale houses began serving beers in pewter mugs with a glass pane in the bottom of the mug so you could see if a shilling had been added and thus refuse the beer and avoid conscription.

As you’d imagine, these men who were prest or impressed into service weren’t exactly thrilled. They were also not trained and were more likely than those who’d enlisted to be injured or worse, lose their lives. Those who were injured, were taken to Haslar Hospital to die or so that their injuries might be attended to and they could return to battle. Now as luck would have it, Haslar Hospital was served by a small salt water creek opening into the Solent where the ships could shelter and anchor putting down a small boat to take patients up the creek to the hospital. Those who’d been prest into service and posed a flight risk, would be housed in the lock up wing so they could not escape.

In 1877 Haslar Hospital constructed a tramway as a line which ran from the Haslar Creek Jetty to the Main Arcade of the hospital. This made transport of patients and supplies much easier. It also led to the heightened expression up the creek without a paddle.

Now there were those locked up in hospital with little chance of escape and knowing they would be soon returned to battle. In 1873 in De Kalb Illinois, a farmer named Joseph Glidden invented barbed wire. It quickly became colloquially known as devil’s rope as in its early days, it inflicted as many injuries on those using it as on those it was intended to keep out. Tetanus was common as wounds became contaminated with dirt, faeces, saliva. To be sent to Haslar to the lock up hospital knowing you’d either die or return to battle must have felt as though you were being sent in a barbed wire canoe.

We’re doing well here Jen, I think the only element of the expression I’ve yet to cover is up s--t creek. Now as everyone who has ever watched an escape from somewhere movie knows, you need to provide the means to move sewage from a building. This is generally accommodated via large pipes and this was true for Haslar where the large sewer pipes emptied into Haslar Creek which was filled with salt water and sewage. It was possible to escape, but it was via a sewer and into s--t creek. Yes, being up the creek led to a world of trouble.

There we have it Jen – whether you’re up s--t creek perhaps to die or be healed and returned to battle, or without a paddle, or in a barbed wire canoe it all centred around Royal Navy Haslar Hospital. Thank you for contacting me to find out.

Have you a word or phrase that’s troubling you? Is there an event or topic about which you’d like information? Would you like assistance with a question you can’t shake?

Contact me on sue-belinda.mee han@outlook.com.au