MORLEY’S WORKSHOP
NON-BEAUT UTE, DISSING VETTES, RESPRAY OR NOT? 16TS LOVE
‘WE’RE’ AND ‘STUFFED’
As I write this, camped on a beach on the tip of Cape York, forgive me if my train of thought bundies off at some stage and I start yaff ling. Anyways, the trip up included the legendary Old Telegraph Track, so lots of low-range and some fairly deep (and sometimes technical) river crossings with the extra challenge of having to look over your shoulder while you’re walking the crossing just in case Ol’ Man Croc takes an interest in you. Boy’s own adventure. Loved every minute of it.
Except the bit where one of the three vehicles in our party snapped a steering-rack end, minutes after we’d successfully crossed Cockatoo Creek (and ‘creek’ is selling this mutha way short). Luckily it didn’t happen in the water, of course, but it was still a fair old bummer when you’re 100km from the next community (and a welder) and the truck in question now has about 36-inches of toe-in. Oh, and a tow? Well, there was no phone service and the locals have since told us that a f lat-bed from town would have run us any where from $1500 to $3000.
On this particular vehicle (a late-model Thai-made ute, if you must know) the rack-end broke right at the base of the threaded section where it screws into the tie-rod end and thence to the steering arm on the front knuckle assembly. So, we jacked her up and took off the left-front wheel – our quick assessment included the words ‘we’re’ and ‘stuffed’. We tried a few times to bodgy the thing up with tie-down strap; all that really did was enable us to drive it far enough off the track that we could bush-camp not too far away. We had plenty of water and camping gear, so it was a pretty good night in the bush with a fire going and a round of drinks or two with good mates.
Next morning, Batesy (the ute’s owner) and I went back to the stricken vehicle, performed a brain-storming session and came up with a completely dodgy but hopefully workable solution. We started by bashing a section of my jack handle (which was about the right diameter) on to the snapped steering link and then strapping it to the tie-rod end. The clever bit (if you ask me) was the way we then used a pair of vice-grips to lock the strapping to the jack handle and prevent it shimmying back up the handle and letting go. We then zip-tied the vice-grips to stop them vibrating open. Don’t forget, we’re still on a pretty rough bush track with loads of horrendous corrugations. The final step in the plan was to disengage four-wheel-drive to take one more load input off the front end and then drive very, very, very slowly. And it worked! Took a few hours, but we eventually made it across the Jardine River on a ferry and up on to the township of Bamaga where we found a workshop and ordered the parts up from Cairns. Still took five days to get to us.
We haven’t done a full post-mortem on the rack-end yet, but here are my thoughts: Firstly, if we’d been in any kind of Toyota from the last four decades, we’d have been able to cannibalise the required bits from any number of dead Tojos scattered in yards all over Bamaga. Secondly, the steering arm on my 80-Series Cruiser is about four times thicker than the one on Batesy’s truck, so it probably wouldn’t have failed so spectacularly in the first place. I’m not saying my 28-year-old 80-Series is the best 4x4 ever made, but it’ll do me till the real one comes along.
Seriously, when you look at the piddly little rack-end fitted to this volume-selling ute, it’s a wonder that he got as far as he did. Looks like it should have been on a threecylinder hatchback, not a big, tough off-roader. Which brings me to my question: What other vital components have you run into that were simply under-engineered, poorly engineered or just too freakin’ underdone to be taken seriously? And leading on from that, what have been the genius bush-mechanic fixes you’ve seen?
Spoiled for choice
Love the mag and your column which I have been reading longer than I can remember. I have a stack of back issues in t he garage you can’t jump over.
I have been circling around buying a classic car for years and have been unable to make the move till now – time and readies have been an issue. But now that I can, what to buy? I have been ver y open minded and vacillated bet ween many makes and models and considered old versus new. I love old but hear many ta les of buying a great looker on t he surface only to f ind af ter buying t hat it’s a lemon underneath.
The cars I have particularly considered are as follows:
Cor vette C4 – Love the look and while emission controls have dulled t he power output somewhat t here’s probably enough to suit me and t hey still seem to be reasonable buying. Do t hey have any issues?
Or what about a ’69 Mustang 302 Boss? Love t he car, getting a bit pricey for a good one and the possibilit y of buying a dud. Plus, buying a current series new Mustang GT seems like better va lue for money. The soon to be released limited edit ion Bullet (if you can get your hands on one) a lso looks attractive as it may have some va lue appreciation due to t he 250 build numbers but would be subject to price which is yet to be announced.
Then t here’s t he lef t f ield option: the Maserati M138 Cambiocorsa two-door coupe or Quattroporte. Just love the look and sound of the coupe and some Quattroportes seem good va lue in a dolla rs-for-age sense but are not quite in t he good lookers categor y. But why are they both so cheap? Some low-k ilometre cars seem too good to be true considering what t hey sold for orig inally. I’ve heard ta les of reliabi lit y issues, and big ser v ice costs including clutch problems. Is t his t he case and is t his why they are so cheap? What should I look out for in t hese cars?
I would love to hear your thoughts as I am look ing to make a move in the foreseeable f uture. Pip Dowling, Email
morley says...
HEY PIP, glad to hear you’re about to join the church. Sounds like you’ve been very patient, so I reckon you deserve a classic car of your own. As for what to buy, well, that’s a real crap-shoot, aint it?
So let me start with your list. The C4 Corvette is not the looker the C3 is, and you’re right about US smog laws taking their toll on performance. I mean, you wouldn’t want a Chevy V8 that gets toasted away from the lights by a V6 Commodore with P-plates on it, would you? That said, these cars are now old enough that they might have been given a mid-life tickle-up, including liberating a bit more poke. Certainly, it’s hard to imagine too many of them are still stock-standard.
The other thing with Corvettes, however, is that I’ve driven C3s, C4s and C5s, and I’ve never driven a good one yet. The bodies flex and crack, the ride can be pretty awful and the interiors are creaking,
“I’VE JUST MADE AN ENEMY OF EVERY CORVETTE FAN IN THE COUNTRY”
cracking, rattling, squeaking tributes to lousy plastic technology. The seats are tiny, the electrics suss and if the Vette in question has T-tops, it’ll leak water. And to cap it off, a lot of them were three-speed autos. Yeah, I know, I’ve just made an enemy of every Corvette fan in the country, but the fact remains that there are cars I’d sooner own. A lot of them.
The Boss 302 Mustang is a proper classic, but you’re bang on the money when you say they’re w-a-y too expensive for what they are. Of course, that’s if you want a car to actually drive, because a Boss 302 is a great investment classic. By which I mean that if you want the look, sound and feel of an early Stang, there are plenty of non-Boss ones around that will give you all the jollies at a fraction of the price. But you’re also right in identifying the current Mustang as a pretty good-value alternative. It promises to be reliable and having driven a few, I really like them. The five-litre engine feels like a six-litre and the only niggle for me is the interior which is a bit cheesy in that way only North America can do. But I could live with it and as more and more new Mustangs get traded-in, the choice will only get broader.
I reckon you’re smart identifying US makes and models though as the market for local chrome-bumper muscle is way overheated. Has been for some time. Fact is, there’s better value in, say, a Ford Torino than an XA Hardtop. And right now, a Gen 2 Camaro or Pontiac Firebird is better buying than a HQ Monaro. Weird, but true.
A Maserati? Now there’s a curve-ball. You’re right when you’ve guessed that they’re cheap second-hand because people are dead-scared of the running and servicing costs. Yes, clutches don’t last long and the early robotised manual was a dawg of a gearbox. But you’re also right in that they look and sound fabulous and they’re remarkable value. Of course, that value thing only hangs around while the car continues to work properly, and if it goes bang with any real intent, you’re going to be in the poor-house after fixing it. Frankly, that level of angst would spoil the fun for me.
If I was going to look at something fairly modern with a Euro badge, I don’t reckon I could go past a 997 Porsche 911. These are the next 993 in terms of Porsche collectability, mainly because they were the last models with hydraulic power-steering and weren’t as physically huge as the current 991 version. And prices for the basic Carrera might surprise you. They’re should also be bordering on bomb-proof in terms of their reliability. Yeah, I know; Another bloody 911. But drive one before you condemn the idea.
Behind closed doors I enjoy reading your comments in Unique Cars each month just wondering if you can give me some adv ice please? It’s t ime to get rid of one of my V H SL/Es, I have private-school fees coming on in the next year or so and have to move one of my cars on.
The car in question is an 83 V H SL/E. Mechanically its great and I’ve spent a few t housand getting it safe and to t he point where I can just jump in it and drive it wit h no worries. Unfortunately my daughter doesn’t share t he passion for t his car and I get a ho-hum response from her when I ask her if she wants to go for a ride wit h me in it. It’s a 253, t he interior is in rea l ly good nick, a ll t he original trim, radio cassette and trip computer is t here.
But t he paint is rough. So, is it better to sel l as is or invest in a closed-door respray to make it more presentable? And if so what would be an estimate for a closed door respray? I don’t want to get ripped off and appreciate any adv ice you could give. Chris Hodgson, Victoria
morley says...
THE COST of a respray, Chris, is one of those ‘how long is a piece of string’ deals. It depends on a whole bunch of things, starting with the condition of the car as presented to the paint shop. What looks like a straight, clean car usually winds up needing more work than you thought and, unless you’re prepared to paint over dents, that means more dolleros. My own experience of this was on an old Valiant I was getting ready to paint. And what seemed like a car that needed just a panel or two to be lined up right, turned out to be typical in that, once I’d finished, the only panel I hadn’t massaged was the roof turret. And this was, when you looked at it beforehand, a very straight piece of gear.
So there’s that. Then there’s the X factor of the shop you take it to. Prices vary enormously in the spray-painting game and I wouldn’t advise an open-ended deal where it’ll cost what it costs. You want as close to a firm figure as you can because, again, I’ve seen this stuff sky-rocket.
Also, how particular do you want to be? Obviously, a closed-door job is going to be cheaper, but even within that broad description, there are a thousand variables. Was the original colour metallic? Do you want to add a little more metal-flake for some added fizz? Is there any crows-feet or other terminal damage to the paint that would require a strip back to bare metal? That last one, in particular, will send the cost soaring.
Now, having digested all that, allow me to make it easy for you. For my own part, I’d much rather buy a car with shabby original paint than one with nice shiny new stuff. A new coat of paint is a great way to make a manky car look good and increase its sales appeal. But I reckon the switched on buyer can see through the grungy original paint and will be happier, knowing that it’s not hiding anything horrendous. And let’s face it; you’re going to charge more for the car with a fresh paint-job, or the buyer is going to buy the car as-is and then spend the same money themselves to paint it. Either way, it’s buyer-pays
Happy Gardner
I’ve got to agree wit h Morley about Gardner diesels. I’ve also owned an Albion double decker Bus (built at the Commonwealth Works in Sydney in 1948, on an imported engine and chassis) t hat still had its Gardner diesel in place. It also had a semi-automatic transf itted in the centre of the chassis and drove beautifully. While converting the top floor into bedrooms I peeled incht hick tar insulation from the floor, to discover it was masking Oregon Pine floor boards, which polished up beautifully. I hope the old girl is still on the road today, with its unburstable Gardner Diesel still in place.
As for car/truck motors in strange places. I was on a course to learn how to prune grapevines in South Australia’ s Clare Valley. On at our of a local vineyard, we were shown a Ford 351 V8 engine driving a huge fan on a large pole, which was used to keep frost off the young
buds in Spring. The farmer got ver y worried when the loca l hoons on the course took a big interest in his engine. Gary G Smith Ravenshoe, QLD
morley says...
GARY, THERE must be something about busses from that era, because an old mate of mine, sadly no longer with us, did his apprenticeship at the Melbourne Tramways back in the 1950s and told me many times what a great pleasure these old gadgets were to work on.
He often told me yarns about how the engines were maintained, including frequent oil changes and lots of TLC from him and his co-workers. He also went into great detail about pre-selector gearboxes and reckons the Tramways even trialled a bus with a giant flywheel spinning horizontally under the floor to capture energy from braking and then using it to help accelerate the bus from the next red light. He reckons the only way to stop the flywheel disintegrating under centrifugal force was to wrap the steel outer part with layers of wire cable. Blimey, wouldn’t like to be standing anywhere near that mutha when the flywheel was spinning at full chat. Oh, and just in case Formula 1 thinks it invented energy regeneration…
Anyway, my old mate always reckoned his favourite bus engine was the Leyland Leopard, built back in a time before Leyland was privatised and became a standing joke. Apparently these Leopards had a chromed bore and would cop rebuild after rebuild with just new rings and bearings. And all those apprentice oil changes, of course.
As for a Ford 351 being used to keep frost off grape vines, mate, you’ve got me again. Never heard of such a thing, but I love the idea. And how nice it must have sounded, firing up before dawn and drowning out the local roosters. Now, of course, you’d never be allowed to do it, nor could most farmers afford it with the thirst of a 351 running hard at a buck-fifty a litre.
Hare apparent
In response to your request for ot her applicat ions for motors: Many years ago my fat her used to drive t he “hare” at t he Forbes Greyhound club. The motor used to power the machine was a flat head V8 out of a Ford Pi lot.
As a young tacker I would happily spend hours in t he driver’s box wit h t he old man just listening to t hat glor ious sound. That old motor was t here for many years until it was replaced wit h a Holden 186 red motor. The club disbanded some time ago and t he entire inf rast r ucture
is now tota lly removed.
On another subject my f irst car was a one-owner EJ Holden sedan. Yes, wit h a grey motor. Great mag, love your work. David Stibbard, Email.
morley says...
GREAT YARN, David, and just the sort of weird-burger use for a car engine I was talking about. Seems like a lot of you remember an age where Aussie ingenuity could be turned to making something out of not much at all and adapting what was on hand to do a completely different job was just the normal way of things. But lord, it must have been noisy inside that driver’s box with a flathead V8 roaring away a few metres away!
My own experience of greyhound racing infrastructure occurred many years ago when a track not too far from where I lived had a major melt-down of the automatic camera system that recorded the photo finishes. This was a big problem as it not only meant that really close finishes couldn’t be adjudicated on the spot, but the mutt’s owner would be deprived of the photo of his little champion crossing the line first. You know, the sort of photo that gets framed and then goes straight to the pool room.
The racing venue’s solution was to tear out the broken camera and its sensors from the little box right on the finishing line and hire a photographer mate of mine to sit in there for the night, trying to capture the exact moment that the winning dishlicker crossed the line. Sensing a long night ahead, he asked me to come along for a bit of moral support between races.
So, we turned up on the night and were shown to a little timber box that could have been from the set of a war prisoner movie. There was barely enough room for the camera and us. And a slab. Not sure how many actual photo finishes we recorded, but we certainly had a good night out. Just shows that you can still make your own fun if you have to.
Misappropriated Motors
The Lock heed SR-71 “Blackbird” used various V8stos tar tits engines. In Ben Rich’s excellent book `Skunkworks’ he gives an amusing description of t he various increasingly powerful V8s used (by Lock heed in testing) in start-carts for the Pratt and Whitney J58. As each V8 tore itself apart under the load they would find more powerful ones. After trying several different engines they settled for a long time on t win (geared to the same output shaft) Buick Wildcat Nailhead V8s, eventually moving to twin Chevrolet 454 big-blocks.
There is plenty about this on t he internet. Just Google something like “V8 engines to start SR-71 engine ”. It’s
“AS EACH V8 TORE ITSELF APART THEY WOULD FIND MORE POWERFUL ONES”
even mentioned brief ly in t he Wikipedia entries for t he Lock heed SR-71 and Pratt and Whitney J58. Just don’t blame me if you get nothing else done today… Shaun Jones, morley says...
Email GREAT YARN, Shaun, and it kind of amazes me that for a plane like the Blackbird which was so utterly cutting edge and secret squirrel, that neither Lockheed nor Pratt and Whitney bothered to develop an in-house starter motor. I mean, when you look at the immense cost of developing a plane like the Blackbird, surely the cost of also developing a fail-safe starter-motor can’t have been a huge chunk of the total budget. Then again, I guess the American-made big-block V8 was such a known quantity (not to mention cheaply available) that the designers figured they could do without reinventing the wheel on that one.
The most remarkable thing about the Blackbird for mine, was the way it had to be constructed so that it wouldn’t fail in the super-low atmospheric pressures of the altitudes it was designed to work at or the super high temperatures associated with travelling at Mach 3. The engineers never hit upon the sealant they needed to seal the fuel tank at all temperatures and altitudes, so the fallback position was to put up with the thing leaking fuel as it sat on the runway at sea-level. And what makes it even more spectacular is that somebody sat down with a calculator and a set-square and worked that lot out and a whole bunch more. And then, some buzz-cut hero was prepared to take the thing on its maiden test-flight. It fair dinkum boggles the mind.
Six of the best
Been meaning to email you about my ‘problem’ for a while, and your Si x Appeal article f inally got me around to it. I bought my ’97 Fairlane Concorde in ’99, a one owner machine with only 60,000k m on the clock. It was a bargain because the Ford dealer had a heap of standard Fairlanes and nobody wanted a ‘performance’ version, apparently in case it had been thrashed. I looked closely at it and found it to be in immaculate condition, managed to scribble down t he name of t he original owner and rang him – he was a salesman and loved his Concorde. Only sold it because he lost his job. He t reated it like a baby.
The Concorde is my third Fairlane, I had a ZD and a ZL Sportsman – nice old cars. Brand new in ’97 they sold for around $ 60K. The sad news for me (good news for anyone look ing for one) is t hat a good one is now worth about $ 5K. Mine has about 260,000km on the clock and has suffered by being driven on a (rough) dirt road for about t he last 10 years. Cosmetically it’s a bit rough, but mechanically it’s A1 because I’ve a lways kept it in perfect r unning order. I’ve lowered it about an inch and a half so t he wheels sit beautif ully in t he ‘guards, and it has a straight t hrough
1.5- inch exhaust system. I ran it around Queensland Raceway with a bunch of hot hatches from the Renault Car Club( yes, I am afflicted) and the big beast y was voted Best Sounding Car of the Day! Most people hearing it start up and idle think it’s a V8, it’s got quite a nice ‘uneven’ burble to it at idle into low revs – at redline it howls.
Interesting note about t he Concorde; the six cylinder motor puts out only a few kilo Watts less than the V 8, but the six is lighter. If you do the sums, the si x has a better power to weight ratio than the V 8 so you get V8 performance and si xcylinder economy! A couple of other nice features are the be spoke two-tone grey leather plus the same Momo wood-rim wheel as fitted to t he ’97 Falcon GT. As far as t he design is concerned, I personally think theNL is one of th es woo pie st looking cars ever made in Oz; the lines around t he rear side windows, slightly flared mudguards and the little Kamm lip on the bootlid… just wow in my books. The lower stance from being down 1.5 inches really help. They are a beaut family car too, a true five-s eater( the rear legroom is awesome), airbags in front, great bra kes, and t he si x has reasonable f uel economy (until t hey are driven in anger).
Now for t he ‘problem’.
At t he end of t he year I will become a poor pensioner. I doubt ver y much I will be able to af ford to register and insure my big beast y. I can hear you yelling in my direction now “sell t he bloody Renaults ! ”. Nah, gotta at least keep t he 16TS, it’s an early retirement present from my long suf fering wife. It’s gonna brea k my litt le heart to see t he big boy go for as litt le as $4k but, such is life. The t hing is, you don’t see them ver y often on the road now, and more often than not they are lowered with big wheels and non-standard paint. So I get t he feeling t hey are right on t he cusp of being ‘discovered’ by t he younger generations, which might just start moving t he va lues north….maybe? Dave Tonks, Email.
morley says...
YOU KNOW WHAT Dave? If I had a Renault 16, I wouldn’t sell it either. Much as I like an old Fairlane, I reckon the 16 is an absolute corker of a car. It’s also much more likely to be discovered by the collector-car industry than a long-wheelbase Aussie Ford, too, and when it is, you can expect to be sitting on a good investment with the 16.
There are a couple of reasons for this. For a start, the Renault was a global car and will be worth something outside Australia. Secondly, while a Fairlane Concorde is hardly a common sight, the years, kilometres and rust have claimed the vast majority of Renault 16s ever made. I read somewhere a few years ago that there were just a handful of 16s still registered in the UK; a market that was once pretty flush with the little critters.
So, while I sympathise with you about not being able to hang on to a big, thirsty car, I’d say having a nice, tidy 16 in the shed is a pretty good consolation prize.
You’re right about the six-cylinder Fairlane being as good a performer as the V8, too. Back in the day, the equivalent Falcon XR6 was packing just a few kilowatts less than its XR8 stablemate. Given the six was lighter, the XR6 was just as quick as the XR8 and sweeter to drive.
“I RECKON THE RENAULT 16TS IS AN ABSOLUTE CORKER OF A CAR”