CARL, I SINCERELY

hope Mrs Wallent never reads UniqueCars. But I sympathise with Dad trying to navigate his way through all this latest technology without a guide. Actually, it’s a very good point to make and I reckon the car-making world has got it a little bit backwards when it comes to introducing the latest high-techery.

See, traditionally, the latest , high-end and clever stuff has found its way into the super-deluxo models first. That’s because older, cashed-up buyers are the only ones who can afford it. But my contention is that they’re actually the last people who want it or will actually use it. Now, my old man is a product of his generation, which is to say pig-headed and short-tempered. Not to mention that he just doesn’t want to know about learning new things. So, for him, the latest sat-nav or infotainment screen would be about as useful as modern paddle-shifters. Sure, they work beautifully, but he’ll never bother to use them. Fact is, they’ll only ever distract him or annoy him that he had to shell out for something he doesn’t want to know about. For Dad, you see, Bluetooth was a pirate and Android is something you can get cream for at the chemist.

I‘m also quite certain dear old Dad would scratch his scone over the idea that a mobile phone in a cradle is fine to use on the run, but a hand-held unit is not. And as for needing lane-departure warning… well, that’d be another example of us fiddling with natural selection. (Actually, I’m kind of with him there. Just don’t tell him.)