EDITORIAL
PET CONTRACT
IT WAS a strange discussion. There we were ta lk ing wit h Ms A Jnr and recently-minted husband Matt. It was about letting go of your toys and selling t hem on to new owners.
Here’s t he question: when you sell a car, do you have any right to say how it’s used? On any normal commercial planet, t he answer is a resounding “no! ”
You just sold it and it’s an inanimate object. How on eart h can anyone get wrapped up in what happens next? Take the money and run as far away as possible. Perfect ly sensible.
And if we were ta lk ing white goods or law n mowers, I’d go wit h t hat. But t his is cars and, like it or not, sometimes your persona lit y and histor y get wrapped up in them.
A recent experience led up to t his. I momentarily put t he Benz land yacht on the market because I’d seen something shinier wit h more cylinders. And of course any sensible person k nows we should have a strict one-in then one-out policy for vehicles. (Except motorcycles, because t hey don’t ta ke up much room. Really.)
So I get a ca ll and t hey want to k now a bit about t he car. I start waxing ly rica l about its k nown histor y, who’s worked on it, etcetera and am cut short with an enquir y on whether it has a towbar. Err no. Would it cost much to f it one? Dunno. I’m not sure I like where t his is going.
The conversation continues and it’s clear t he buyer just wants max car per buck, doesn’t give a fat rat’s arse what it is and will simply work whatever it is to deat h before going out and getting another one. I get v isions of it, in a few years, sitting up on bricks, being used as a chook house.
In some ways I get t his utilitiarian and uber-sensible approach. It is af ter a ll a t hing and not a relat ive. Or is it?
Here’s t he problem: I’ve got to rea lly like t he old dear. It’s sort of the motoring version of hav ing a grand old dame for an aunt, who’s a bit of a family treasure. And you certainly don’t want to see her mistreated.
When I described the problem to partner Ms M senior, she instant ly understood. “You can’t do t hat to her! ”
Which raised t he ugly issue of not selling any t hing when the ‘new’ car turns up. So much for the one-in one-out policy! We’ll just have to f ind more space.
There we were chewing over this whole selling drama with Ms A and Mr M and it was the latter who made the connection. They’ve recent ly bought a ver y large (t hink Shet land Pony), hair y and exotic dog. A Greater Spotted Swiss Hooting Hound – or something like that.
Whatever. They had to sign an agreement with the breeder t hat gave t hem v isitation rights and, if t hings had gone horribly wrong, t he right to inter vene and rescue t he mutt. Though it irks, in some ways I admire t hat.
Which of course prov ided Matt’s solution to selling a car you love. Get a copy of the Swiss Hooting Hound contract, and modif y it to say ‘Ford’, ‘Benz’, or whatever marque and make t he new owner sign it. You get to v isit and, if t hey’re not treating it wit h respect, ta ke it back of f t hem again. Works for me…