NEW TRICKS

OKAY, LET’S EMPTY THE WALLET, AGAIN

OLD CARS WILL ALWAYS KEEP YOU BUSY

CONFESSION TIME. I’ve f inally jumped in at t he deep end and added a much-promised V12 to the shed. Exactly why t his had to happen is up for debate, but it’s a long-held ambition t hat’s f inally been rea lised. Or an itch scratched.

Others have less charitable v iews on t his. Uncle Phil, who wit h some justif ication sees himself as t he of f icia l car supplier to the Guido household, is denying any involvement. In fact we even have a term for it: PAV. As in Phil-Approved Vehicle. This one def initely isn’t. In fact he did ever y t hing in his power to ta lk me out of it. That included ca lling on partner Ms M to ta lk some sense into me, litt le k nowing that she was not only on board with the whole ludicrous plan, but was helping to pay for it.

Young Mr Faine – whose histor y amply proves that he’s unafraid of a mechanical challenge – gent ly suggested t hat his brot her-in-law is a psychiatrist and perhaps I’d like to have his phone number.

For me, t he stor y starts nearly 30 years ago, when I somehow washed up at the Australian media launch for this and the E34 M5. It was held at a track in Queensland, wit h 1980 F1 champ Alan Jones offering joy rides in t he big sedan. Though deeply impressed by his driv ing sk ills, to t his day I’m conv inced he failed physics in school.

At some point after t he launch, I a lso picked up t he test car for the company I was working with. That’s something I’ll never forget as I was terrif ied it might be stolen out of the driveway of our then recently-purchased Melbourne home. You’ll understand why when I tell you the car cost an incompreheinsible $220,000 when the house cost us $ 88,000.

How times have changed. Now values have dropped to t he point where even I can (just) af ford one.

Of course it quick ly established who’s boss by instant ly developing an intermittent fault wit h t he instrument cluster, occasiona lly wit hholding a ll information. That’s old cars for you, t hey love to set you t he odd challenge just to keep you on your toes. And in the poorhouse.

Actually t he glitch developed while some ot her pre-sa le work was being performed, so the people I bought it from are k indly nutting out t he solution.

These t hings have a reputation for fairly robust mechanicals but a complex electrica l system t hat can get tired and emotional. Of course a ll t hat is forgostten t he minute you get in and drive it. Wish us luck...