Violence and emotional control

“If we got into an argument and he gotmad, he would punch the walls, he would be throwing things around. Then he turns to you, and he starts hitting you and beating you. Sometimes it’s things you can’t even help too. Lets say, the TV remote isn’t working. That turns into a full blown rage, and you’re the punching bag.”

Stephanie* is a 21 year old law student who lives in Warragul. The relationship she describes started out like any other. At the beginning, she thought he seemed really nice, but four months into the relationship Stephanie moved in with him. This is when the violence and emotional control began. She speaks in a matter-of-fact tone, and shows no emotion as she describes the two years she spent with an abusive partner.

“He would punch me in the ribs hard enough to wind me, and I would fall to the ground. Then he would kick me, and sometimes keep kicking me, in the arms and the ribs. Then when he was done, he would go and have a smoke, then sit down to watch TV, and expect me to make dinner.

And you would, because you wouldn’t want to raise his temper again. Then we pretended like it never happened.”

“He wanted access to my phone, my emails, my Instagram, my Snapchat. Just to make sure I wasn’t up to anything. He would tell me which friends I could hang out with.”

The state government announced that it would be implementing all 227 of the recommendations made by the Royal Commission to improve the growing problem of domestic violence in Victoria, in July last year.

On average, at least one woman a week is murdered by a partner or former partner in Australia, according to the Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria. Women are five times more likely than men to require medical attention as a result of intimate partner violence, and it contributes to more death in women aged 15 to 44 than any other preventable risk factor.

Data from the Victoria Police shows that domestic violence is occurring at a higher frequency outside of Melbourne. The number of reports of domestic violence have grown in recent years in the Baw Baw region, even when taking the population growth into account, according to a report by Crime Statistics Victoria.

Warragul Police Senior Constable Rebecca Johnson, who is head of the Family Violence Unit, agrees that the problem is getting worse in the local area.

“It’s everywhere, and it can happen to anyone. Males are more commonly the offenders. Generally, even after prison time the perpetrators will reoffend.”

“Drugs, such as ice and alcohol are a huge factor. Intellectual disability such as autism, as well as not taking medications for mental health are common causes. Financial difficulties cause a lot of tension especially if the couple have separated. These issues can lead to family violence crime, such as assaults and property damage.”

Johnson believes that a lot of high risk victims are not reporting violence. “Some people don’t realise they are victims. There is a lady; today actually, who is in court regarding incidences from 2013, who said ‘I didn’t realise I was a victim,’ even though she was always covered in bruises.”

Stephanie is a victim who, to this day, has never spoken up. “If I went to visit my parents, I would cover up my bruises. My parents still don’t know.”

She also didn’t find she could confide in her friends. “A lot of people don’t actually care, because it is so taboo around here. They say they don’t want to talk about it - a lot of people don’t want to have it on their conscience. I felt I had nobody to talk to.”

Reporting to the police was something she considered but decided against. “Did I really want to tell a complete stranger what was happening? I knew what was involved in placing charges against him. To me it wasn’t worth it. And if he found out I went to the police… It was such a risk.”

One of the initiatives of the State Government is the specially trained Family Violence Units to focus on this problem. The Warragul Police Family Violence Unit has been in operation since October 2017, and Johnson says that the benefits can already be seen in terms of more victims coming forward.

“The team’s ability to offer victims a high level of support, including an increased ability to take the time to have follow up conversations and check in with victims, has been hugely appreciated. We were never able to have that time in the past because we would be rushing off to a car accident or something. This has lead to more reports being made, including some incidences that occurred in the past but were unreported at that time.”

Johnson is also positive about the recent changes to legislation affecting domestic violence. “Persistent breaches of intervention orders are now being fast tracked in court. We now have a better ability to hold perpetrators under the Family Violence Act.”

A new Support and Safety Hub in inner Gippsland was announced by the Victorian Government as part of the reform. The original opening date was set for the end of 2017. However, the actual opening date is still unconfirmed.

Family Safety Victoria Executive Officer Mary Campbell declined an interview, but provided the following written statement:

“Family Safety Victoria cannot publicly confirm the exact location of the Hubs launch sites until leases have been negotiated and signed. Hubs will be housed within existing buildings no new buildings are being constructed.”

No reason was given to explain the delay of the opening of the inner Gippsland Hub.

Advanced Child Protection Practitioner at the Warragul Department of Health and Human Services, Michelle Pyle, explains the benefits of the Support and Safety Hubs will have over the current system.

“In the Hub there is (going to be) Quantam, Child First, a police officer and more, all in one physical location. This will make the process quicker and more effective. Right now there’s lots of ringing back and forth between different services, because it’s all fragmented.

“The Hub will have a new IT platform for information sharing, to which all the groups will have access. Which will be better, because they currently cant see the history if its on another service’s database, so escalating patterns can be seen on this new central information point. This highlights risk and means things will not be missed as often.”

She states that although the inner Gippsland property has been chosen, the date and location are yet to be announced.

While these changes are definitely steps in the right direction, the issue is clearly complex and there is more that could be done.

After many years working with young victims of abuse, Pyle knows too well the generational nature of domestic violence.

“All they see and all they know is to act agro, so unfortunately they end up in the same cycle.” She also laments the popular attitude of parents that “boys will be boys,” explaining that in her opinion, this allows males to avoid feeling responsible for their violent behaviour.

Pyle believes immediate and harsher consequences are the answer. “It seems you need to do a lot in terms of repercussions to have an effect, especially with young people. It takes many charges to receive a serious consequence in our justice system. I don’t think that works for many young people who don’t have any respect for the justice system. To them, an order is just a piece of paper.”

Emma* works as a nurse in Gippsland, and has suffered the damage emotional abuse can cause, having experienced it for 17 years. She has experienced first-hand the indifference some perpetrators have for intervention orders.

“I had no self confidence. When he would yell and scream, I would retreat. A lot of the time, I feel like its my fault. I always want to change my behaviour to modify his. I didn’t know it was family violence, because he wasn’t hitting me. His mum told me it was my wifely duty to stand by him.”

She acknowledges that there was an element of denial that someone like her, who has a career and a masters degree, could be a victim of domestic abuse.

Although the relationship has now ended, the abuse continues. Emma’s ex-husband verbally attacks her, sends threatening text messages and sometimes refuses to return their son to her at prearranged times. On many occasions he has broken into her property. Once, he organised for the locks to be changed on her house while she was out to dinner, so she couldn’t get in when she came home that night.

Emma has made reports and currently has an intervention order, but says there is really nothing the police can do for her. “An IVO doesn’t make you feel safe,” she says.

Johnson also believes more could be done. She suggests that refuge housing is needed in Warragul, as most families utilising the housing available have to travel all the way from Morwell to get to the children’s’ school.

She believes there is also an opportunity to change attitudes of young people, by educating in schools about what makes a healthy relationship.

But after more than 12 years on the job, she is a realist. “It will never go away unless we can get rid of drugs, alcohol and mental health problems.”

*Names have been changed to protect identity