Positive efforts from absolute tragedy
Sallie’s father Michael Bowen was a proud man, well known in the community, a hard working farmer. Mental illness was not supposed to be a part of his picture.
But it was, and for three years his family surrounded him with all the support they could offer. They thought they were winning the battle.
The day Sallie’s dad suicided was numbing. She was overwhelmed by grief but had no guilt that she had failed him. As a family, she knew they had done everything they could.
But, as a community, Sallie knew there was so much more that needed to be done. The shame, the stigma, the whispers - as a community, she knew there needed to be increased awareness and change attitudes.
“A really bad situation happened to my family and myself. I faced a decision on how I respond to that and I chose to put myself out there and share dad’s story.
“Having that leap of faith and being brave helped me…but I wanted it to help others.
“To say the word suicide is really confronting. Sharing that story and the ripple effect it has had is more than I ever hoped for.
“My intention was creating social change in rural mental health and people’s attitudes,” she said.
Sallie’s father was a dairy farmer and developed a well-known Gippsland ice cream brand. He worked 18-hour days most days to give their family every opportunity.
“He was as strong as an ox, physically and mentally. Nothing could break him…or so we thought.”
Sallie remembers she and her aunt taking Michael to the doctor for the first time. He cried in the consulting room, the doctor gave him some medication and told him to come back in two weeks and see how he was.
Finding the right person, whether it be a GP, counsellor, psychologist or just someone willing to listen is absolutely crucial in dealing with mental illness, Sallie said.
Like most mental health journeys, Michael’s was one of highs and lows. He lost the desire to work, when he was “good” he made bad decisions and then the rollercoaster of those decisions would begin to unfold as Michael spiralled into his bad place again.
“People with mental health can put on a good front. But dad had a deep depression.
“We fumbled our way through as a family, we focussed on diet and exercise.
The family supported Michael through his struggles. He developed psychosis and paranoia, almost convincing his family the house was bugged and people were watching them.
As a family, they thought they had come through the worst of it. His suicide left them numb, no answers for what more they could have done.
“We couldn’t have done anymore for dad, we had no regrets.
“I remember going to where dad died and I was overthrown by grief but at the same time I had this empowerment. I immediately knew that in this tragic moment I had to turn it into a positive.
After her father’s death, Sallie undertook mental health first aid training – a skill she believes is equally, if not more important as basic first aid training.
Sallie threw herself into a new business project Gippsland Jersey – an independent milk company that not only aimed to provide an alternative to big companies but also provide acts of kindness for struggling farmers.
Gippsland Jersey developed a calendar - an initiative to make rural people, men and women, comfortable about telling their mental health story in an effort to raise awareness and start the conversations.
In creating the calendar and setting the groundwork for open discussion, Sallie knew she had to share her story first.
“I had to be vulnerable and share my story first before others would. It has been a massive privilege to have people share their story with me, it’s a huge trust,” she said.
“Early intervention is where we need to concentrate on…and that comes from opening the conversation.
“There was a stigma with Dad, he didn’t want to tell anyone.
“We changed our language throughout his journey but he wasn’t comfortable with it because it’s a sign of weakness.
Sallie is now trying to change the “language” surrounding mental illness in the wider community.
She said the reality, particularly in rural areas, there were a lot of lonely men on farms who don’t know how to get themselves out of sadness.
“It’s an epidemic. If someone is gushing with blood you get them medical help. But mental health is the internal stuff that we can’t see and it can be so acute at times.
“We all have people in our lives who are there for certain reasons. It is our responsibility to journey life with them.
“Sometimes it gets uncomfortable but you have to show some kindness, spend some time with them and roll up your sleeves and help where you can.
The calendar was delivered to 1400 dairy farmers via a milk tanker drop.
Sallie’s phone rang for months, many of them subtle calls for help, many a thank you for providing the avenue for conversation or the contacts to make a call for support.
“I didn’t know the lid I was lifting and the enormity of how rife it is in our community once we started the conversations.”