SOCIETY MUST DO MORE FOR THE VERONICAS IN OUR MIDST

As our population ages, the rate of dementia rises, and we, as a community, need to manage this crisis better

I’VE known Veronica for 20 years. But I don’t think she knows me.

I’ve lived in her house, met all her family and am especially close to her youngest son.

Veronica is my wonderful mother-in-law … she has Alzheimer’s disease.

She hasn’t called me by name for more than a year, but her face lights up every time she sees me … almost as much as when she sees my husband, or our children – particularly our son.

It’s not easy being part of the sandwich generation – those who have both young children and ageing parents.

Our time is segmented into driving children to school and sports, while delivering the parents to doctors and ensuring regular social visits.

If we’re lucky, we carve out what time we can on a weekend night for our own medicinal glass of wine, while running a check-up of our charges. So far we’ve kept two kids and two mothers alive and relatively well.

It’s a tough timeline but way harder being Veronica.

And she’s one of the lucky few. With five children who love her dearly, she’s ensured a degree of personal care that many of our ever-ageing population will never know.

It’s Queensland Seniors Week and by 2050, it’s predicted the incidence of dementia on the Gold Coast will increase by 498 per cent.

Already, the State Electoral Division of Surfers Paradise and the Federal Electoral Division of Moncrieff have the highest prevalence of dementia in Queensland. We have to do better. I don’t mean a cure. Of course, a cure would be great. But in the meantime, we need to concentrate on care.

I’ve done the cancer journey with both my father and father-in-law, but I don’t know how to do dementia. And there’s scarce few to give direction.

As a family, we wish we never had to send Veronica to a nursing home. It’s a horrible guilt that sits with the loved ones of almost every patient in there.

It’s hard enough Veronica had to leave her home, but it’s even harder knowing she will never get the care we could give her – if only we didn’t have children, didn’t work and could deliver around-the-clock care.

This is not a criticism of her carers, of her nursing home or of the hospitals.

All have done an amazing job on their limited budgets and facilities. But they’re not given much for a job that is all-consuming.

I hate to think how little a carer earns for what is a mentally, physically and emotionally demanding job. And unfortunately, in too many cases, you do get what you pay for.

While dementia continues to consume Veronica’s mind, it’s yet to extinguish her personality.

She doesn’t know my name, but she remembers I love a joke.

She can’t remember to request her favourite music, but can still sing along to Edith Piaf, in French, no less.

But most heartbreaking of all, she can’t seem to remember how to eat.

It’s been more than five weeks that she’s been fading away. And we just don’t know what to do.

There’s no one we can turn to who has the skills or advice to give us the confidence that she will be able to finish this journey, if that’s where we’re at, in peace and comfort.

How can we be left on our own to fight for what is left of her life? What of those who have no advocates?

Let’s stop treating aged care as a business, let’s invest in it as a city, as a state, as a country. It’s not just the unenviable future of our loved ones, but ourselves.

ann.wasonmoore@news.com.au