YULE DRIVE ME CRAZY WITH ALL THESE EARLY CHRISTMASES

Look, I’m all for the mistle­toe and tin­sel and Sea­sons Greet­ings but, se­ri­ously, let’s give Santa a bit of a break

Weekend Gold Coast Bulletin - - OPINION - ann.wa­son­moore@news.com.au ANN WASON MOORE

DEEP in the bow­els of David Jones, I made the most hor­rific dis­cov­ery. It was late last month and I was lost, fu­tilely try­ing to re­mem­ber where I had parked my car at Robina Town Cen­tre.

I was con­fi­dent I had lost my mind, be­cause as I made a fi­nal cir­cuit of the de­serted bot­tom floor I saw a mi­rage of mistle­toe and tin­sel.

But then my (rel­a­tively) sane daugh­ter turned to me and con­firmed my vi­sion.

“Mum, it’s Au­gust isn’t it?,” she asked.

“Yes,” I whis­pered, still in dis­be­lief.

“So why are there Christ­mas trees up? What … what’s go­ing on?”

There’s noth­ing jolly about a jump scare from Christ­mas creep.

I’m far from a Scrooge. I love Christ­mas. Any ex­cuse to spend money and eat lots is all right by me.

For God’s sake, we even have a hall­way in our home ded­i­cated to the awk­ward Santa pho­tos of Christ­mas past. Not just the kids. All four of us. On the big man’s lap. From 2009 to 2016 … and we’ve pre-pur­chased frames to en­sure the Yule­tide tra­di­tion con­tin­ues un­til my daugh­ter is 18.

We’re a se­ri­ously fes­tive fam­ily. Also, fan­tas­ti­cally em­bar­rass­ing par­ents.

But do you know what makes Christ­mas so great? It’s spe­cial.

As the song says, it’s the most won­der­ful time of the year. Not it’s the most won­der­ful time all year.

I don’t un­der­stand why we need to start so early.

Even in the US the Christ­mas car­ni­val doesn’t kick in un­til Novem­ber. Of course, they have Hal­loween and Thanks­giv­ing to keep the fes­tiv­i­ties rolling.

Which is just an­other rea­son we need to go hard on Hal­loween down un­der. The main rea­son, of course, be­ing lol­lies.

Of course, I agree kids shouldn’t have ac­cess to so much sugar – which is why I eat all their treats when they go to bed. I’m just be­ing the big­ger per­son. Well, be­com­ing the big­ger per­son maybe.

And with all the de­bate about Aus­tralia Day, why don’t we just move it to mid-Novem­ber? Let’s face it, the only peo­ple who know why it’s held on Jan­uary 26 are those who find it very of­fen­sive. For the rest of us, we just want to cel­e­brate liv- ing here and get a day off.

Be­sides, Novem­ber is bet­ter weather and a more sen­si­ble time to buy gi­ant thong float­ies for the pool.

If it means hold­ing off on the red-and-green frenzy for a few more weeks, I can tol­er­ate see­ing the South­ern Cross em­bla­zoned on every pair of shorts, swim­mers and tow­els at Crazy Clarks.

Given the cur­rent Christ­mas sta­tus quo, I’m in­stead field­ing gift de­mands in Septem­ber.

Open­ing the notes on my iPad the other day I found a lit­tle mes­sage from my daugh­ter: “What I am hop­ing for Christ­mas: iPod with fluffy mint green case and hot pink bow on it; rain­bow hair bow with grind­stones on it.”

Should make for a price­less photo when she sits on Santa’s lap and asks for that one.

But I’m not sure what the shops think they get out of an early Christ­mas dis­play.

Sure, the kids are think­ing about gifts now, but that doesn’t mean I’m go­ing to re­spond. Be­sides we all know their wish­list will change right up un­til the dawn of De­cem­ber 25.

And no amount of an­gels, or­na­ments or trees are go­ing to make me more or­gan­ised.

If you ask me, the end of win­ter is the ideal time to take down my tree, not put it up. Maybe that’s what I don’t like about this trend. It makes me feel even more dis­or­gan­ised than usual.

So Christ­mas creepers, scrooge you.

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