PLEASE KEEP RISKY BUSINESS AWAY FROM OUR BACKYARDS

Adult shops and brothels are part of the Gold Coast landscape but surely there should be some limits

WHEN it comes to illegal massage parlours, there’s no happy ending.

They are the epitome of unsafe work practices for employees, they’re putting legitimate brothels out of business … and they can provide a nasty surprise for unwitting customers or the masseuse, for that matter.

Gold Coast City Councillor Dawn Crichlow is proposing CCTV cameras to surveil suspected illegal parlours, but really a better solution might be to reduce running costs and red tape for legit red-light businesses.

If it’s just as cheap and easy to go the legal route, who would want to engage in risky business?

In 2016 alone it was estimated 140 new underground brothels operating as massage parlours opened on the GC. But the glitter strip is not alone, illegal parlours are prolific across the country.

And those are just the ones we know about. Illegal brothels are also allegedly flourishing in homes, beauty salons and karaoke bars.

While you might think it’s merely the naive or suspect who mistake the seedy for the seemly, the truth is it could happen to you or your spouse.

And this new wave of illegal parlours is only going to make it harder to end the suburban sex shop creep.

Look, I’m all for legitimate sex businesses. Those who work in the industry have laboured long and hard to make it as safe and as reputable as possible. Illegal parlours undo that work.

They give sex a bad name. And I thought that was my husband’s job (just joking).

Sex workers should have access to protection – of the rubber and rubber stamp variety. And the kinky should be able to get their kicks without using public toilets … or my backyard.

I just don’t want those businesses in my figurative backyard either. But it’s too late. In my suburb there are adult shops near family friendly Sizzlers. No, I’m not going to make any all-youcan-eat jokes or suggest they merge as Sexxlers.

But I’ll admit I LOL-ed when I discovered that just down the road from some of the Gold Coast’s famous theme parks is a thrill ride of a different variety.

And chances are, there’s one near your neighbourhood too. Apparently, almost every sex shop has a “games room”.

This one is the euphemistically named Blue Class Cinemas offering the newest released hardcore movies and is open 9am to 10pm.

So after you’ve spent a day with the kids on roller coasters, you can swing by for more thrills and spills.

Although you’re more likely to lose your lunch by reading the comments on the website.

In fact, I’m pretty sure the AFP will be knocking on my door just for Googling it.

Still, it’s a legit business and, most importantly, it’s in an industrial area.

Despite being close to those family playgrounds, you wouldn’t come across it (sorry) unless you really meant to.

So if that’s what floats your boat … well, you know what you’re in for (warning to those Blue Class commenters who talked of surprising their wives with a visit … this is a bad idea).

The fact there are so many sex shops, brothels and illegal parlours indicate this is an industry that will never go away. But we already knew that.

Still, we should be able to put it in its place – away from those who don’t want or need to see it.

Although I must admit I’m really tempted to tell my friends that the next girls’ night out is blue rather than Gold Class.

Talk about Bad Moms.