Vow factor at heart of this labour of love

For a decade, Josh Withers has been helping happy couples tie the knot. But there’s one engagement the former radio professional wishes he’d said “I don’t” to ...

Bulletin IT’S the one time Josh Withers wishes he didn’t say “I do’’.

But, as one of Australia’s most sought-after wedding celebrants, he’d made a commitment … to officiate at the Gold Coast ceremony in the first season of Married At First Sight.

“Never. Again.” he says. “The producers contacted me and told me about this brand new show, based on the US version, and would I officiate? “Unfortunately, I said ‘I do’. “I watched the first season of the US version and, in my defence, I still stand by the fact that was a really great show. It was much more about the psychology than the melodrama. “I very carefully worded the ceremony because as a marriage celebrant in Australia, it’s a big deal. It’s not something you get on the internet – it’s an appointment by the Commonwealth Government. I can’t just pretend marry anyone.

“But then, of course, I got edited. That’s something I’m not used to – not as a celebrant and not as a former radio professional either.

“Next thing I’m under fire from the Attorney-General’s department, the celebrant community threw me under the bus, parts of the gay community hated me for officiating at this ceremony when they still weren’t allowed to legally marry. The whole thing was a nightmare.

“They’ve asked me again and again to come back but the answer is absolutely ‘no’.”

It was an episode in which Josh learned “for better or for worse’’ applies not just to his clients, but to his career.

Fortunately, in the 10 years he’s been watching brides walk down the aisle, it’s been much more about the better.

So much so, that six years ago he gave up his high-flying job as a commercial radio bigwig after falling head over heels in love with love.

Not that it’s always a happy ending.

In fact, after a decade in the business, he has his first repeat customer. It’s not a bitter story but bittersweet, instead.

“I celebrated the marriage of a wonderful woman to her husband back when I first started officiating at weddings 10

years ago,” says Josh. “But, tragically, just months after they were married, he was electrocuted. They had a young child and she was suddenly a widow. It was horrific.

“But then she called me just recently to say she’s getting married again and would I be her celebrant? I can’t wait.

“This was never the way we saw her story shaping up back in 2009, but I’m so genuinely overjoyed that she is getting her happy ending and that I get to be a small part of it.”

A lot has changed in the past decade, both for Josh and for marriage. But that evolving story is what keeps the 36-year-old father of one invested in the industry.

After working in radio since 2002, here on the Gold Coast, in Mackay, Port Macquarie, Sydney and, lastly, at Brisbane’s 4BC, Josh began moonlighting in the marital industry in 2009 before taking the plunge to go full-time in 2013.

From the highs of celebrating Australia’s decision to legalise same-sex marriage, to the lows of personal loss, it’s all part of the process of redefining love and commitment.

In fact, Josh says this week is a milestone for both his career and his family.

“On May 14, it’s 10 years to the day since I became a celebrant, and this Sunday it’s our family’s first Mother’s Day,” he says.

“I think becoming a father has given me a whole new insight into the couples I work with.

“It took my wife and I years to become parents. We travelled down the IVF road and that’s tough. In fact, one of the worst moments was when we reached the 12-week pregnancy mark and announced our happy news on all of our social media channels – to about 40,000 people.

“And then, three days later, the baby miscarried. For four months I had to keep facing people who congratulated me before I could explain. But in a way it was also the best thing that happened to us – it opened us up to the love and empathy of all these people. We were so supported. And then we were so lucky that we finally had our baby girl Luna in October last year.

“That whole experience really showed me what happens when you open yourself. As my own marriage and own family has grown, through the high times and low times, I feel like it’s reaffirmed my passion for celebrating love. I understand what for better or for worse means.”

When it comes to his career, the “better’’ has been officiating at well over a thousand weddings in destinations both luxurious and exotic.

“Working at weddings means you have a pretty great office,” says Josh. “Not many people choose to get married at an industrial estate in Nerang.”

It has also meant working with, predominantly, “great couples’’ and even a number of celebrity engagements (so to speak). In fact, he had to turn down The Veronicas’ Lisa Origliasso as he was already booked.

The “worse’’ is summed up in one word: MAFS.

While MAFS might fuel the argument about whether marriage is still meaningful in modern society, Josh is adamant that it is – his own reality experience notwithstanding. In fact, he says the new generation in the marriage market – those in their 20s and 30s – are redefining and reinvigorating the concept.

Weddings have become smaller, more personal and more meaningful during the decade he’s been in business.

“Millennials are not entering in marriage lightly. They’ve heard about the divorce rates, which are not anywhere near as bad as the 50 per cent that’s been quoted for so long, and they know this is an important decision which they don’t make lightly.

“I can’t think of one case where it’s a ‘surprise’ engagement … the actual day of the proposal might have been a surprise, but not the idea of marriage.

“People are waiting longer to marry and it’s an investment – financial and emotional.

“I feel like my place in the industry has been to really encourage people to take control of their day. Just because that’s how it’s always been, doesn’t mean that’s how it should always be.

“It used to be you got