WE CAN ALL LEARN FROM PLAY SCHOOL
ANN WASON MOORE P64
DEATH and sex.
They’re two topics that for too long have been branded adults only.
Not that I think they should be the subject of every toddler playgroup, but nor should they be taboo.
Because one is something that none of us can avoid and the other an activity that, personally, I also can’t avoid.
When we “protect” our children from hearing about either the end of life or its potential point of creation, we’re only making these already shady subjects appear more frightening – and that has to be more damaging than a few painful conversations.
That’s why it’s so fantastic that Play School is helping parents out on Monday with an episode titled Beginnings and Endings, which will explore the concept of death and grief in a way young children can understand.
It’s the first time in Play School’s 53-year history that the show will explicitly talk about death and grief with its pre-school-aged audience and follows in the footsteps of the legendary US children’s television program Mr Rogers’ Neighbourhood.
In the episode, presenter Alex Papps talks about the loss of his grandmother, while copresenter Emma Palmer balances this with her pregnancy, a reflection of the beginnings.
Little Ted brings the message home when his goldfish Swish dies, with his friends gathering around him for support. I’m almost crying just thinking about it.
Grief is a bloody hard emotion to deal with, and the more prepared we are, the better.
To think that our children will be better protected through ignorance is not just ridiculous, but kind of mean.
My own children have already experienced the deaths of one greatgrandmother, to whom they were very close, two grandparents and a great aunt.
The loss of my own father when I was 17 meant that I wanted them to attend the funerals, to talk about their feelings, to try to access their own grief. I’ve learned the hard way that it never stays buried.
When their pet cockatiel died this year – gruesomely killed by our dog right before our eyes – we had weeks of tears and feelings of guilt to go along with grief (someone left the cage door open).
It’s incredibly hard to sit with your child while they are in extreme pain and not try to distract or stop them. But my husband and I did our best to listen, to comfort and to help them move on.
In fact, I think society’s general reticence to talk about these “taboo” subjects is precisely because of how they make us feel. It’s not so much about the children, but us.
While I can handle discussions about death, it’s sex that really gets me hot under the collar.
I blame a childhood of Catholic education, the shame is real, guys.
So when my children came home from their school Personal Development classes (the PC name for sex education), I was simultaneously delighted and horrified with how open they were about what they had learned.
Delighted because it showed they see me as a confidante – and also showed they clearly don’t hold the same hang-ups that I did. Horrified because I then had to pretend that I was as OK as they were to talk about it.
I’m pretty sure I deserve an award for keeping a straight face as we chatted about bodily functions and emissions.
Lord, how I wished the dog would kill the cat just to stop the conversation.
But I persevered for their sake. Because really, what’s so embarrassing about the natural abilities of the body? It’s only weird when we make it that way. And, judging by their attitudes, it’s perfectly normal to them.
Similarly, avoiding the topic of death and grief does not mean we get to avoid it. Instead, the more we talk about these things, the less negative power they hold.
How we talk about them depends on the age and maturity of our kids, and I have to congratulate both my children’s school and Play
School for setting exactly the right tone.
Having said that, I really hope Play School doesn’t decide to broach the sex talk for its audience. Little Ted losing his goldfish is hard enough, but losing his virginity? Not even adults are ready for that.