LEARNING TO LISTEN COSTS NOTHING BUT REWARD IS PRICELESS

LISTENING isn’t easy. There is so much more to it than allowing soundwaves to tickle their way into our ears. How can we become better listeners? How can we improve our capability to imagine ourselves in someone else’s shoes – to understand their feelings and experiences, free from our own judgments?

Constant exposure to online news is creating a desensitivity to catastrophe, indicating that the world is becoming less empathetic.

Even though empathy is free, it is something people avoid because it requires too much mental effort. Often we hear someone say: “I have enough of my own problems without listening to someone else’s worries.”

As I grow older, I realise more and more that what someone is saying to me often has very little to do with the words coming out of their mouth. Often we communicate more with our body language and our tone than with words. In a heated discussion, I have found it helpful (albeit difficult!) to swallow the opinion I desperately want to put forth, and ask myself: “What is this person trying to tell me?” It then becomes clearer that the person I’m speaking to is hurt, or angry, or upset, or hungry, and expressing empathy boils away other issues and takes the conversation to its core.

Recognising facial cues and emotion is the crucial first step to empathy.

We often ask others how they are doing but do we really want a heartfelt answer?

Truly listening requires flexing spiritual muscles, but the results can change lives. The better we become at listening, the better we will become at perceiving receptivity.

It’s surprising how rarely people actually do attentively listen to one another when interacting. We allow ourselves to be distracted, preoccupied by other matters of importance, or thinking about what we’re going to say next. In fact, one of the most difficult communication skills to learn is to give someone the respect and consideration they deserve by being “fully present” … and giving others our full attention.

Listening has been shown to be essential to communicating respect for another person. To test this claim, reflect on your own feelings. Consider a time when you may have been talking with someone who interrupted you or continually focused on what they wanted to express in the conversation. When we want to build a strong relationship, our ability and commitment to listening attentively is essential.

So, put away your smartphone and your to-do list. Turn off the TV, the radio, the computer. Sit down and look at your son, daughter, spouse, relative, work colleague or friend when they speak. Listen.

The gift of listening is something we can all add to the holiday shopping list this year …