TALK POORLY AND YOU’LL PAY THE PRICE
All people in positions of authority and power should heed this reminder to choose their words carefully.
STICKS and stones may break your bones, but words can actually break you.
Ironically, I really can’t find the words to describe the horror I feel at the murder of Brisbane mother Hannah Clarke and her three young children – Aaliyah, 6, Laianah, 4, and Trey, 3.
As a community we are in mourning.
My own heart broke when my 12-year-old son heard the news reports on the car radio this week. He lay his head back on the passenger seat and sighed, “Mum, I just feel so sad”.
When I looked over at him, his eyes were filled with tears.
How do you explain to your child that another child’s father, the one who is meant to soothe your fears and battle the monsters on your behalf, has become the monster to fear.
You can’t.
There is nothing I can add to this story that hasn’t already been said, and no doubt said better, by others who are more informed and more involved.
And I do not want to continually trigger those who witnessed this slaughter in action.
But then I read about Queensland Police Detective Inspector Mark Thompson, who sparked outrage online and among domestic violence campaigners with his choice of words at a press conference on Thursday.
“Our job as investigators is to keep a completely open mind,” Det-Insp Thompson said this week.
“We need to look at every piece of information and, to put it bluntly, there are probably people out there in the community that are deciding which side, so to speak, to take in this investigation.
“Is this an issue of a woman suffering significant domestic violence, and her and her children perishing at the hands of the husband?
“Or is it an instance of a husband being driven too far by issues that he’s suffered by certain circumstances into committing acts of this form?”
Unsurprisingly, he has since apologised.
In fact, he has now been stood down from the investigation, such has been the reaction.
But I still believe we should accept his apology.
I will admit, when I first read his words, I felt outraged. Why lend any credence to this so-called “other side’’ in which any woman could possibly do anything to “drive’’ her husband to set fire to his family?
But then I watched the video. You can see in his speech that he is speaking not from an autocue or rehearsed notes, but is verbalising a train of thought after being asked a question.
A train of thought that should have been derailed, yes, but let’s be clear – he is simply stating what is, in fact, happening in our community.
Read the comments online. There are many men, and women, who while insisting they are “not making excuses’’, are in fact suggesting Rowan Baxter could have only become so unhinged due to the actions of his wife, the family courts, the police and the list goes on.
They are undeniably wrong.
They make me so angry I choke on my words. But we need to accept that this element exists if we are ever to change their attitude.
Was it a bad idea for DetInsp Thompson to vocalise, if not endorse, this victimblaming? Absolutely.
Does it make Det-Insp Thompson a bad guy? Hell, no.
He spoke poorly and now he has hell to pay.
Speaking yesterday
morning, Police Commissioner Katarina Carroll apologised for his comments.
“He is distraught and he is gutted about the way he said it, and what was said,” Commissioner Carroll told the ABC.
“He is a man who has protected the Queensland community all his life and has worked endless hours, and when he looks back he cannot believe the way he has phrased that.”
It takes a real man to not just own up to his mistakes but to accept the consequences. He is not blaming editing, he is not blaming the question, he just said the wrong thing the wrong way.
And now our words are hurting him.
Certainly his misstep needed to be called out, and being stood down is probably the right decision, but I hope we can end the pile-on immediately.
Det-Insp Thompson is entitled to have the head space necessary to do the work we so desperately need him to do.
But it is also a timely reminder to all people in positions of authority and power to choose your words carefully. Because not only can they hurt us, they can come back to bite you.