Other side of fear
How a big-wave surfer won a personal battle to
ONE wave in front of his Kirra home is seared into the memory of big-wave surfer Mark Mathews and it signalled the start of his return from the abyss.
It was early 2018 and Mathews was slowly building up confidence again after a frightening wipe-out two years earlier.
He virtually did no surfing for 18 months while recovering from a horrific injury that could have claimed his life. As it was, he was left with permanent disability in his right leg.
“We had this crazy run of waves from a cyclone swell and it was pumping for three days straight,” Mathews said.
“At that point I’d just started surfing again and I could barely do it.
“I was a complete beginner because of the disability that I have got and I was learning to surf all over again.
“My apartment looks over the break near Kirra and I was avoiding the waves because I was terrified of reinjuring myself.
“I was surfing around Greenmount on the reformed little waves but (bigwave surfer) Ryan Hipwood grabbed me and took me out the next morning.
“He was on the jetski and put me into the most amazing wave That one is seared into my memory.
“It was one of the most memorable waves I have ever ridden. It was probably a sixsecond barrel before I wiped out because it ran off and closed out.
“I was standing in it and froze because I hadn’t seen that vision in so long. I never dreamt I’d ever see it again (after the injury). I was in awe.
“It was a bonus because my leg didn’t get hurt and I realised it was a lot stronger at that point than I thought it was.”
SURVIVING KILLERS
On October 25, 2016, Mathews’ life changed.
The now 37-year-old Coolangatta resident was filming during a surf session in 10 foot swell at a break called “Killers” on the NSW south coast.
The size of the waves wasn’t a problem for the man who had built a career out of surfing the biggest waves around the world, something he said that may have made him overconfident.
“I’d never surfed the wave before but it comes out of deep water and breaks on a shallow reef,” he said.
“I made a really bad decision and picked the wrong wave that closed out. Ninetynine per cent of the time I get out of the wipe-out without a bad injury but I was just unlucky.
“The wave got hold of me, picked me up and smashed me into the reef.
“It crushed me into the reef. I was lucky I landed on my feet on the reef.
“I took all the weight on one leg and that dislocated my knee and tore all the tendons and ligaments that hold the knee joint together. They all tore and I broke the bones on the inside of my leg.
“When I got rolled around with my knee separated, that tore through the major artery in my leg, so that is what created the internal bleeding and at the same time it tore all the nerves that control my foot.”
In life-threatening situations and with the adrenaline that comes with big-wave surfing, Mathews said the body goes into survival mode and stops you feeling the pain straight away.
Not this time.
“I felt this one, really bad,” he said.
“Sometimes if the situation is dangerous enough – like if I came up from the wipe-out and there was another 30 foot wave breaking on my head and I was going to have to hold my breath – that situation can stop you from feeling the pain because you are in survival mode.
“But I came up after that and I was picked up by my mate who was driving the jetski. I was out of danger quick and as soon as you are out of danger you feel the pain.
“I was like going vaguely in and out of consciousness. The pain could make you faint.”
FIGHTING DEMONS
Mathews was taken to shore where the decision by the first paramedic on site to call the helicopter instead of driving him saved his leg from being amputated, according to surgeons.
“They were able to fix everything, fixed the artery and saved my leg,” he said.
“I was lucky because the surgeon said if I got there an hour later I would have lost my leg.”
The fight for his life and leg
were over. But the true battle still lay ahead.
Mathews was bedridden for months in hospital and the uncertainty around his future after living a high-octane life invited a host of mental demons that threatened to floor him.
“It was really tough,” Mathews said.
“I went through a period where I was in a really s**t mood and didn’t want to see anyone so I isolated myself from everyone.
“It was the worst thing to do because you have so much extra time dwelling on negativity of the situation.
“I deal with pain pretty good. I have had every other injury under the sun and never really had to take more than Panadol for them. This was something I had never experienced. I had the worst burning pain 24 hours a day and the only way to dull it at all was with ridiculous amounts of medication.”
PROFOUND MOMENT
Two people helped get Mathews back on track: his now wife Brit Mathews and a man she introduced him to, Jason Apps.
Apps, who was in hospital at the same time, became a quadriplegic following a snowboarding accident.
“That was the catalyst that helped me more than anything else because from the moment I met him I went from feeling frustrated, angry, unlucky and a victim of the situation to feeling lucky that I even had pain because it meant my legs worked enough to walk on,” Mathews said.
“That shift in perspective had such a profound effect on me that it became my main focus to feel that gratitude and luck as many times as I could during the day.
“I would do things to force myself to feel that emotion.”
Mathews met Brit while she was studying at Bond University on the Gold Coast and they now have a 16month-old daughter together.
“She was phenomenal,” Mathews said.
“Think about how hard it would be to see a family member in pain like that. She was either watching me scream in pain or looking like a zombie on every drug under the sun. She was amazing.”
Mathews had spent his career capturing endless amounts of photos and videos of him surfing, something that comes with the gig.
He took some convincing to let good friend and film director Macario De Souza document his journey through his recovery and the duo, in conjunction with Red Bull TV, have released “The Other Side Of Fear” to the world.
“It’s really strange to watch a period of your life that was so difficult but also so rewarding,” Mathews said.
“I did get emotional in parts, particularly watching loved ones and friends talk about their perspective of what they were seeing in my worst moments.
“Then there were these awesome and happy moments that I’m thankful to have captured.
“When the doctors told me I wouldn’t surf again I didn’t want to film anything from that point on.
“It was only because my best friend (De Souza) came to me and said it would be a good idea.
“He came up with a plan where it wouldn’t be intrusive and I trusted him to tell the story.”
HOW YOU CAN WATCH THE DOCUMENTARY ‘THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR’ DETAILS AT