I’M A YOUNG, AMBITIOUS WOMAN CHOOSING MOTHERHOOD OVER MY CAREER

With her work as a respected researcher on hold, Claire Bolt Hoban, who has a PHD, has embraced life as a stay-at-home mother. She just wishes society would do the same. Here she shares her story

Before becoming a mum in 2015, I was results-oriented, focused and burnt the candle at both ends – and in the middle too, sometimes. I did my best to tick off the conventional checklist: travel, degree, marriage, house, work… and anticipated continuing the trajectory at freight-train intensity. Next on the list? Children. Now that I had qualifications and worked hard to establish a career – how would we balance everything? We really wanted to start a family, yet didn’t want to ignore the hard work I’d put into building a career.

I felt I owed to any future children to be the kind of mum that had doted on me, but how to leave my work behind?

Knowing that experience is a great teacher, I spoke to those who had some.

I was working on my PHD and my honours research co-ordinator told me that was the best time to have a baby.

At first, this sounded like a marketing scheme to retain honours students, but as I dug a little deeper, I saw that many other academics I respected had done this.

When our first son, Henry, was born, I wanted nothing more than to marvel at this little wonder all day long.

I found that becoming a mum triggered something instinctual and primal catalysing a deeply biological pull to be with my child 24/7.

A midwife friend of mine recommended I read Jean Leidoff’s The Continuum Concept.

It essentially points out that while modern societal constructs have evolved, the innate need of an infant has not, and that there are certain expectations that must be met if a child is to develop optimally.

The essence of our biology requires security, love, nurturing – the same as it always has.

It is what comes naturally when you ignore all the noise, podcasts, Google, old wives’ tales and just listen to your baby. It’s pure instinct. There is a disparity between what a baby needs and what modern life expects, and while it is possible to bridge the gap, it is definitely peppered with sacrifice.

Yes, some mornings it