OUR HOUSES TO BECOME A PEST LOVE ISLAND
The big wet of La Nina combined with sudden sunshine have created perfect conditions for insects to be in-sex … and they want to do it in your house
BE careful what you wish for.
After what seems like the longest winter in the history of my 30-plus years here on the Gold Coast and weeks of dreary skies, I’ve been praying for the return of the sun and some warm weather.
Big mistake. Huge. Because as much as I’ve enjoyed abandoning my cardigans and uggs, I’m not the only one embracing this break in the weather.
Instead, I’ve been joined by an evil army of spiders, cockroaches, mosquitoes and rats.
And pest experts both on the ground and in academia are warning this is only the beginning. The big wet of La Nina conditions combined with the sudden sunshine have created exactly the right conditions for insects to be insex … and they want to do it in your house.
It’s understandable, really. Just the language alone about the weather is enough for these pests to get all hot under the thorax: hot, humid, moist, sultry.
Meanwhile, Halloween may not be until Monday, but I already feel like I’m living in a horny house of horrors.
While our home is not just clean but was even recently sprayed by the pest-man, it seems nothing can stop The Surge.
Walking into the garage the other day, I was confronted by a giant huntsman (a redundant phrase, I realise). No sooner had I screamed for my husband to kill it, but I turned around and there was another.
They travel in pairs, I remembered … and then saw a third. Did this mean there was a fourth somewhere? Who knows, because this is when it was time for me to assume the foetal position and commence rocking.
We have also suffered through the indignity of becoming the unwitting and unwilling hosts to a pack of rats apparently keen on a Mermaid staycation.
Three of these furry fiends came courtesy of our cat, who likes to bring them to our bedroom. Which is awesome.
While the first rodent was at least dead, apparently the cat thought it was time to teach us a lesson on catching our own prey as the next two were delivered alive.
My husband woke to the sound of frantic squeaking and then ensued an hour-long midnight chase to capture the rat. Finally securing it in some old Tupperware, my husband was then faced with the quandary of what to do with it. His solution? It was final. Think waterboarding, but for rodents.
Anyway, apparently I can look forward to more of these fun adventures as SEQ pest exterminator Gavin Shill told the ABC it’s set to be a bumper season for all things creepy and crawly.
"With hotter days forecast later in this week, following the rain we’ve just had, we’re about to see an explosion of cockroaches — the big American and Australian ones that fly into your house — and spiders," said Mr Shill.
"They have slower breeding patterns, but when it gets hot they speed up.
"By the end of the week we should be seeing large numbers of those entering people’s houses.” Excellent.
Add to these comments those from Professor Dieter Hochuli, who leads the Integrative Ecology Group at the University of Sydney.
“Moist and warm is exactly what many spider and
cockroach species like,” he told the ABC.
Sexy!
Mr Shill also added that if there was more flooding in the southeast, rat levels would continue to rise … inside our homes.
Apparently rodents are also suffering a housing crisis due to flood-affected nests.
At least my cat will be happy.
And if all of this isn’t bad enough, the World Health Organisation has now released a list of 19 fungi representing the greatest threat to human health, warning some strains are increasingly drug-resistant and becoming more widespread.
Why are these fungi spreading so profusely? Climate change, of course. And what kind of climate? Moist and warm.
Honestly, bring back the pandemic. (FYI, that’s just a bad-taste joke.)
Besides, out of an excess of caution, I believe it’s best if I wish for nothing. Although if Putin has his way with nuclear weapons, that may well be all that’s left.
Except for the cockroaches.
I already feel like I’m living in a horny house of horrors