MY LYME DISEASE BATTLE
Yolanda Hadid tells how her life was devastated.
In 2010 Yolanda Hadid’s health began to mysteriously deteriorate. Muscle weakness, memory loss, burning joint pain and more puzzling symptoms plagued her daily life. She was initially diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. “I didn’t really buy it,” says Hadid, 53. “Intuitively, I knew something was really wrong.” A year later she wed music producer David Foster and moved into his Hollywood home with her three children, models Gigi, Bella and Anwar. She signed on to star in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but her health declined, forcing her to spend 22 hours a day in bed. “I’m such a fighter, but I had to surrender,” she says. When she was diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2012, Hadid thought recovery would soon follow. Instead, she faced her darkest days. Now, in what she says “feels like remission,” she details how her battle with Lyme changed her life in her new memoir, Believe Me. She doesn’t know when she contracted Lyme, but Yolanda first noticed symptoms in 2010.
I am starting to have really strange moments of brain fog. My kids tease me about tripping over my words and how I ask them the same question two or three times. Of course, this is all in good fun, but I know deep in my heart that it’s no laughing matter. Within a year my condition has declined gradually and life becomes a roller-coaster of good days and bad days. It’s as if I have the flu for a week, and then I think I’m over it. But the next week it’s back, and I feel awful again. I have so many crazy symptoms. Joint pain, cramps in my toes and fingers, exhaustion, insomnia and anxiety. Simple things, like answering an email, become difficult tasks and my fatigue is so severe that it’s hard to walk from the bedroom to the bathroom. For two years US doctors misdiagnosed Yolanda’s symptoms. In search of an answer, she travelled in 2012 to Belgium, where Dr Kenny De Meirleir, a top chronic-fatigue physician, discovered an active infection in her brain and diagnosed her with severe, chronic neurological Lyme disease. She started treatment, but her condition worsened.
The antibiotics that I thought would be the answer to my prayers are actually making me so sick that I feel as if I am going to die. Even after months of treatment, I’m definitely not cured. Instead, I’m just desperately trying to hang on. Through all of this madness, I still struggle with sitting on the sidelines of my life and feeling bad for not being productive.
“Please just take me away ... I can’t live like this” —Yolanda Hadid
Months later Yolanda’s son, Anwar, and daughter Bella experienced similar symptoms and were also diagnosed with Lyme disease.
I feel trapped with a sense of helplessness like none I’ve ever felt before. Now I have not one but two children with Lyme and no cure. Having seen the suffering of many children during my journey, I’m distraught to say the least. It’s one thing to be sick myself, but when my children get diagnosed knowing there is no cure, this is a game changer. I’m scared to death, but this news motivates me to fight like I’ve never fought before. I know that it’s up to me to figure this out and keep them going. As a cast member on The Real Housewives of
Beverly Hills, she found that filming and appearance obligations became nearly impossible.
I’ve become a shell of the vivacious and outgoing woman I used to be and can no longer participate in my life. The times that I have to attend all-cast events are the toughest for me. My word retrieval is so slow that even though I attempt to participate in conversations, I’m better off just staying out of the fray. I choose to live in a quiet cocoon isolated from the outside world, which is the exact opposite of what is required of me as a Housewife. I’m supposed to be this glamorous woman who lives a fun and exciting life, yet I can barely get dressed. Despite Yolanda’s best efforts, she was unable to maintain her former lifestyle, and the disease took a toll on her marriage. I’m starting to feel that David is unhappy with the fact that I can’t be by his side the way
that I used to be. I try to make light of it and joke that he married a lemon. It’s sad but true. I went from being the funny girlfriend who was up for anything and had endless energy to the wife who is too sick to be by his side. He lost his wingman, his partner in crime, and I feel as if he’s starting to get impatient with my recovery. I understand that even brief periods of illness can strain important relationships in your life. A chronic condition like mine, one that has consumed years of our lives, poses enormous challenges. Two years after her diagnosis, the pain became too much to handle and she contemplated suicide during a trip to Florida.
I take off my clothes and slip into the dark blue ocean, which is cool and comforting. The waves gently wash over my naked body, and I can feel the current tugging at me. Tears pour out of my eyes, roll across my cheeks and meld with the salt water as I try to still my mind to become one with the water’s ebb and flow. “God please just take me away in a wave. I can’t live like this one more day. Please carry my body away. I just want to disappear.” My next thought is a clear image of my three children. It shifts my consciousness
immediately, and that’s the only thing that keeps me from letting myself drift and drown. After the couple split in November 2015, Yolanda, more determined than ever to regain her health, resigned from Housewives after four seasons and moved to New York, where her focus has been on her family and recovery.
As difficult as these past five years have been, I am so grateful that this journey has led me to living in the light. I have had it all and lost it all, only to realise that less is more, money can’t buy you health or happiness, and one day at a time is good enough. I am eager to build on what feels like remission. Although I feel better than I have in many years, the DNA Lyme tests still show positive, so I’m not sure if complete eradication is even a possibility. However, my immune system is functioning better and better as time goes on. I feel healed within the parameters of my current life. I’ve learnt to love the authentic me and all my perfect imperfections.