‘I’VE MADE MISTAKES’
HAVING had enough of showbiz dating, singer and actress Sophie Monk gets real about her search for “The One.”
Spilling her heart out along with a few tears in a Season 3 teaser for Ten’s The Bachelorette, Sophie Monk reflected on her unrequited romantic history. “I feel like I chose my career and you can’t really have both,” confessed the actress, singer and radio personality. “I’m just here because I want to find a good man that I think would be a good father, and just someone that loves me.”
Now sitting down in a Sydney office lounge, Monk, 37, lets out a hearty laugh. “I couldn’t even watch that promo, so how am I even going to watch the first episode?” she asks. “Apparently I’m in tears with my sister as well!”
Though Monk is used to dating in the public eye—even weathering two high-profile broken engagements to Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden and financier Jimmy Esebag—narrating her every single emotion while going out with guys is a new phenomenon. “I’m quite guarded,” she says. “I’ve become quite tough, but like everyone, you’re not that tough behind closed doors. I just had to be honest with myself.”
Bachelorette host Osher Günsberg says Monk, a longtime friend, has been rewarded for that clarity: “Sophie was quite confronted when she realised what she’s learnt about relationships,” he says. “She’s seeing her old relationships in the context of the one where she is now in the driver’s seat.” Happily in charge, Monk tells WHO’S Cynthia Wang why she is ready for Australia to join her on her quest for love. “I can’t waste time,” she says matter-of-factly. “I just feel a lot stronger and I’ve started looking for the right one.”
How long had you been single before you started this? I’d say nearly a year. Had you been looking? No, not really. I was just trying to get myself back together because I had found
“They’d say, ‘I love you,’ but it’s like, ‘You don’t know me’” —Sophie Monk
in the past that I’d break up with someone because it wasn’t good, and then I’d jump straight back into the same thing again because I wasn’t fixed from that. This time, I just kind of sat back and tried to get my self-esteem back and feel good because then I will attract the right thing. Did you tend to blame yourself when relationships ended? Totally. Yeah, I did. Always. Every break-up. You definitely put it on yourself and then start thinking, “Was it me?” And of course they’re going to say, “Yes, it was.” [ Laughs] So you kind of second-guess yourself. You’ve said that you sacrificed love on your way to having a career. I’ve dated a lot of people who get competitive with me. They don’t want you to do well, so I’ll pull back my career and then, after a break-up, I would go hard again because you’ve got to kind of start over. Yet twice before you accepted proposals. When did you realise they weren’t “The One” and was that heartbreaking? I think I just ... You’ve got to be yourself as well. I didn’t really care about myself as much as I do now. You can’t love someone when you don’t really love yourself, and I think that was really a problem. Is that where you’ve gone wrong in love before? Not fully being yourself? They’d say, “I love you,” but I was like, “You don’t love me. You don’t know me.” It’s the idea of me. It’s almost like—and very quickly people used to say, “I love you”—but I didn’t feel it. I’d be hiding bits of me to make them comfortable, when you’ve just got to be completely yourself when you’re in a relationship. So when you are with someone you can relax with, are you more casual? Yes, that’s me. I’ve dated a lot of people that want you to be perfect or dress a certain way and that’s not me at all. I don’t like being controlled, either, which I have been in the past—then I just go mental. It’s just got to be like hanging out with your best friend. So you’ve come back from living in LA to find a good Aussie bloke? Definitely. That’s what I’ve been looking for because even though we speak the same language, we are so different, humour-wise and everything. I just think I relate so much more to Australians. I just feel comfortable. It’s like, it’s my people, you know? The more bogan, the better! Anything else you were looking for? Oh no, God. I just sort of love love, yeah, but not looks. I don’t care about that. I just like funny and charismatic. And just
being happy. Did you watch any past seasons of the show before this? Not really. Just bits and pieces. So you really bring a fresh take to being the Bachelorette? I’m not trying to be anything because I’ve got nothing to prove. I’m here to fall in love, so it will be completely me. People will see everything and I just hope they like it. Did you want to do any specific kinds of dates, like a sporting activity? God, I have no sporty side! It will show I’ve got no hobbies and I’m so uncoordinated with everything! The 18 men are not public figures. How did you prepare them to see your world? I made some dates a bit more fun, like I made someone busk with me. Was it hard letting some go? Did you feel you lost anyone you wanted to get to know better?