‘WE’RE ALL SO EXCITED’
Em Rusciano shares her family’s baby joy
Em Rusciano is ravenous—but also a little nauseous. It’s only 10.30 AM and already she has eaten two breakfasts and is eyeing off a lamington. “The photographer’s assistant has already asked me three times if I want any more food — and I’ve only been here an hour!” she jokes. It’s clear to all today that as well as being ravenously hungry, the Melbourne-based comedian is also super, super happy. And why wouldn’t she be? At 39, and already the mother of two gorgeous girls—marchella, who is 16, and Odette, 11—to partner of 18 years, Scott Barrow, she announced on Aug. 5 she’s about to be a mum once more— this time around, a boy.
It’s a happy period for the one-time Australian Idol contestant, who concedes now she’s passed that all important first trimester, she’s finally allowing herself to enjoy this blissful time. And after weathering her fair share of controversy over the past two years—as well as a very public, and very devastating miscarriage in 2017—it feels like the stars have aligned in her favour. As Rusciano says: “Now we’ll all just wait and see what happens!”
Congratulations! You’re 14 weeks, how are you feeling?
The spewiness has abated, thank goodness. I am still just generally nauseous but also ravenously hungry. So while I’m vomiting, I’m wanting a hamburger. It’s a unique feeling, and one I’ve not had before. This pregnancy, with a boy, is completely different. I’m on three breakfasts a day, and two dinners. And I need a snack in between!
Perhaps you’ve just forgotten ...
Well, probably. I was also 21 when I [was having]
Marchella, so my body is actually double the age it was when I first gave birth. So maybe my body is just pissed off with me. It’s like, “I should be getting into my carefree 40s! And going to Greece! And living out my 20s again!”
And, yet, you’re gearing up for late-night feeds.
Yes! It’s an adjustment—but I’m glad. This is something you’ve wanted for a long time, right? Well, I didn’t until I fell pregnant last year. We weren’t having any more children, and then that happened as a surprise and I lost the pregnancy. I realised how much I probably did want a third.
It must have been a tough time.
It was really awful. But I also found out, from a lot of people that follow me, that it’s really common, but not something a lot of people talk about. And no-one talks about what it’s like to be “trying”—when you are actually trying to get pregnant. Every month is like being in this weird life lottery, where you buy a ticket and wait to see. And if your period comes, you’ve got to pick yourself up emotionally.
And you can’t share that with everyone.
No. And no-one does. It’s not like you can say if someone asks how you are, “Well, I just got my period.” Or, “Well, I’m ovulating so I have to head off.”
Were you actively trying?
We never really said we were trying ... I tried not to put too much pressure on. I have a very aggressive app, though, that would send me a text message saying, “You are ovulating!” But the idea of going back after losing a baby— I had heard stories, especially because my stand-up tour was on that subject, of people who had miscarried four or five times or had stillbirths, and they would go back, and go back.
And you didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on yourself?
If something had happened with this pregnancy, early days, it would have been the end of me. Women that go back, time and time again, I think they are made of iron. It’s really putting your heart on the line.
How did you feel when you found out?
You mean when I peed on a stick? I had a feeling. I knew about three days after I conceived. I started getting head spins and was really tired, which happened with the other two. I was at the shops with Odette, and my period was a couple of days late, so I got her to go off on a mission to get Tiny Teddys, and I quickly got the test and shoved it in the trolley. And then I went to my mum’s house, and I couldn’t wait. I went into my mum’s bathroom and I got the test out, and I didn’t think anything of it. Then the second line appeared straight away! Instant!
It’s not twins is it?
Oh, no. I have had two scans already—don’t scare me!
No, it’s just one ...
What was Scott’s reaction?
I showed him the test. I have it in my bag now, actually …
Wait, what?
Is it weird? I’ve never told anyone that. There you go—that’s your WHO exclusive! She carries a pee stick in her handbag! But yeah, Scott was like, “Wait, you’re pregnant?” And I said, “No, I just bought this online! Yes!” Scotty is very low-key though. I could stand there and say, “My vagina’s on fire, get an extinguisher” and he’d be like, “Oh, OK.” He’s chilled. But he’s worried for me, and wary about getting attached. But Scotty is always pretty rock solid about everything. He’s unflappable—and he’s really happy.
What about the kids?
I waited a week to tell the kids. Because I knew I must be very early. Then I started feeling the terror. I started convincing myself, “Am I going to wake up in a pool of blood?” and I refused to even say it out loud. I still haven’t bought anything for the baby, I am working up to that.
Is it still too hard to talk about your loss?
Look, I did a whole stand-up tour on it. I am the type of performer who is very much in the moment, so I never phoned in a show in my life. But every night I would revisit the emotions. It was extremely cathartic, but also torturous. I would look out in the crowd and see shiny eyes and people holding each other’s hands. But I realised that it wasn’t just my story now, it was giving validation to other women who had felt the same pain.
After that heartbreak, it must be nice to share the good news.
The response online, it’s been massive. It’s really nice, actually. Because sometimes when my name is in the media, it’s not always for the best things. But this has been a universal and collective, “Oh, we are really happy for you!” That must feel very nice. It has been. It’s like they’ve been along on the ride with me. They were there for losing the baby, then the stand-up show—and this is almost like a full circle.
You and Scott have been together a long time.
That’s right, 18 years. We have had two separations—don’t forget that! The first one was 2010, and then again in 2012. We have managed to keep it together though.
You’re obviously a pretty resilient couple?
Yes. Resilient, stubborn! We just went through what a lot of marriages go through, you go through 10 years of hell, and if you can get out the other side with decent respect for one another, then it’s smooth sailing. We had been together for six or seven years, and it started getting really hard at that seven-year mark. Then we hit that bit where a lot of
“I showed him the test. I have it in my bag. Is it weird?”
people would just have got divorced.
Did it upset you earlier this year when there were headlines about you being difficult to work with – following a candid conversation you had with Wil Anderson on his podcast ‘Wilosophy’?
Yeah. I remember walking away from doing that podcast with Wil feeling so good. And I remember feeling like I was really seen by him. And all I did, again, was tell the truth. What annoyed me was that whole narrative around, ‘Oh, she’s difficult. She’s a bitch.’ because I am not. I’m just flat out not—and anyone who works closely with me knows that. But I am fiercely protective of who I am. And I know exactly what I want. If someone gets in my way, and threatens myself, or my livelihood, or my family, I will strongly come up against them.
And now you’re ready for this next chapter.
Now I am financially stable. I’m an adult, and I have friends with babies and kids. I can really relax into this pregnancy and enjoy it. I don’t feel panicked all the time. I remember when I was 21 and pregnant, I was in a perpetual state of panic. I had no-one.
Your friends and fans have been nothing but supportive—that must have been a godsend.
I went out and deliberately found a community. I had spent a lot of my career having to mould myself to be other people’s versions of me—be less, be quieter, be smaller. And I just got sick of being told how to be a “relatable” 30-year-old woman—by middle-aged men! So I just decided to find my own people. And I did, by telling the truth, and being myself.