‘Kindness is really powerful’
THE HOLLYWOOD FUNNYWOMAN OPENS UP ABOUT FAMILY, LAUGHTER AND LOVING LIFE
n her way to pick up her 10-year-old daughter, Georgette, from school, Melissa McCarthy laughs as she reflects on how much she’s turned into her mum. “I probably mother everyone too much in a very irritating way,” says the 49-year-old, who’s also mum to 12-year-old daughter Vivian with her husband, actor-director Ben Falcone. “Sometimes Ben is like, ‘I really can cut my own sandwich.’ The more I love you, the more I fiddle. God help the people I like.” But the comedian has a soft side too. “We talk a lot about how being kind is really important to our two girls,” she says. “It’s hard to make that resonate in a world where the nastiest comment wins, and it’s a sporting event to be mean. We’re drawn to each other because of all our weird, unexplainable character quirks. Life is short. Just be yourself!”
Just being yourself can be tough. What do you tell yourself and your daughters during difficult moments?
It’s a never-ending work in progress. Every single person has those moments – and lots of them. My oldest has a really good head on her shoulders, but kids that age are always thinking, “Does someone think I look silly?”. I tell them it’s all silly, and we’re all idiots. The second you embrace that and have real friends, you realise that’s the fun part. Who is the dumbest and the goofiest? Those are the friends you’ll have all your life. Somebody who seems cool, you’re not going to remember their name when you’re 20.
I’m so overwhelmingly inspired when
I see somebody in a store or in a restaurant who’s completely who they are. Someone in a purple suit with a purple hat and purple shoes, and do they drive a purple car? I’m like, “Good on ya!” I try to remind my girls – and myself – that when someone is mean or tries to bully you, take a breath and realise how intensely unhappy that person is. Kindness is really powerful.
Are you like your mum?
We’re really close. She’s truly the nicest human being I know. When I first had kids, I went through a guilty phase of working, which I think a lot of parents do. I remember talking to her about it, and I was like,
“I feel like I’m working all the time.
“I tell them it’s all silly, and we’re all idiots!”
It’s so terrible.” She said, “What are you talking about? I worked every day of your life. Your dad worked and left at six in the morning and got home after dark.” I was like, “Oh, my memory’s that you guys were always just there.”
How do you balance home life? Are there rules like ‘no phones at the dinner table’? Oh, yeah. People are always mad because I’m not a big phone person. When I come home, I throw my purse to the side and don’t have my phone on me once I’m in the house. My kids are at school all day. Ben’s at work and cutting a movie now. I feel like once we all get home, you’re mine. Once your kids are in school, you’ve got a couple hours in the morning and a handful before we go to bed. Those hours are mine, and I want them, and I don’t care if people get frustrated with me. My kids are getting so old so fast. My dad has always said, “God, it goes by in a flash.” And it just keeps getting faster.
Do you shield them from social media?
I like Instagram because it doesn’t go into super snarky [territory]. I’ve seen so many hateful things written on Twitter that just shake me to my core. I don’t want to read that and have that in my brain or my heart. I’m happy to put out something that makes somebody smile, but I don’t need you to like me or find me important. I look to my family and my own self for that. What do you care what somebody in a different state who you’ll never meet thinks of you? Kids are now associating their whole value and sense of purpose with how many likes they got, and it’s very dangerous. My daughters aren’t on any kind of social thing at all, but I know they still know about it.
I try to tell them once something’s out there, it never goes away and remind them, “You are the impression. You don’t have to reach out to strangers and put out some image of yourself ”. I emphasise that it’s not real.
Are they taking after you and Ben? Everyone says my oldest looks identical to me, but she is much more Ben in personality. My younger one looks just like Ben but is really, really, really me. Sometimes it takes my breath away because I think they’re so much more level-headed than I was. At that age, I was eating dirt and running around a farm like a dingbat, but they have a much bigger view of the world. They think about much bigger topics than I ever thought about regarding kindness. Or we’ll have a discussion about racism. These are the things they see and think about. They’re also funny, weird and completely unimpressed by Ben and me. They find us to be the most boring people on the planet. I’ll go dancing by, and they don’t even acknowledge me. I’m like, “You know I do this for a living!”
They’re just like, “Are you done? OK, great.” They do it kiddingly, but they’re so funny. I love to see my two girls just truly say, “I know who I am, and I know what I like and what I don’t like.” And they’re kind, so to have all that come together is lovely. What are your favourite times at home? It’s not the most serious household. There’s a lot of serious stuff happening in the world, and we don’t have to have it in the house. There’s a lot of dance-offs and chasing the dogs … People yelling, people coming in and out, people riding through the living room on a bike. Our youngest is constantly on some kind of wheeled thing ripping through the house, and I just kind of love it. If Ben takes both girls somewhere to give me an hour of peace and quiet, 15 minutes later, I end up calling him and asking, “Well, what are you guys doing? It’s pretty quiet here”. I miss the chaos.
You and Ben are celebrating 15 years of marriage this year. What’s been the key to staying happy?
It’s finding someone who you just absolutely are better with. He’s nothing but supportive, and he’s super-smart. He makes me crazy gut-laugh four or five times a day. I hit the jackpot. Sometimes I don’t know why he likes me, but I’m so glad I somehow conned him into it. He’s such a respectful, open, truly loving person and leads with nothing but kindness. That’s where the bar is set for my girls and what they think is normal. I just think if they ever meet somebody and that little red flag goes off, the bell is gonna sound even louder because they have Ben as their baseline. They’re gonna pick well, whoever they end up with, you know? I want them to have someone utterly kind.
How do you manage all the schedules and keep your family strong as they get older? We’re like carnies. We pick up and we go together, which is not always easy. We make a lot of decisions that are just simply based on, “Can we go together?” We’ve turned down jobs because it’s family first. Someday we won’t have that option, and I realise that we’re really, really lucky to get to do that now. Life really does just keep getting better. Viv is my height and wearing my shoes, and in a blink of an eye the girls are gonna be in college. I’m just trying to slow the clock! •