STRENGTH TO SURVIVE
Life after domestic violence
Natalia Esdaile-Watts was 18 and in her first year of a graphic design course at TAFE, when she met “a handsome stranger” at the cinema. “He was sitting behind me leaning forward the entire time,” Esdaile-Watts, 39, tells WHO. As the credits rolled, he spoke: “Hey, what’s your name?” When Esdaile-Watts answered, he excitedly asked if she was Italian. “I said no and already felt like I’d disappointed him,” she reflects. “It is funny when I think back that the feeling never left me.”
A couple of hours of escapism swiftly turned into real-life horror for Esdaile-Watts, who survived six years of domestic violence. Today, she is speaking out to empower other women to share their stories, too. “Believe in you and there will be plenty of people who will want to help you,” says Esdaile-Watts, who is devoted to raising awareness of domestic violence in all its guises. According to support-service 1800RESPECT, domestic violence also encompasses behaviour that is non-physical, such as psychological violence, neglect, stalking and financial violence. Esdaile-Watts says she experienced them all.
“Looking back, there were so many red flags,” says Esdaile-Watts, who fell pregnant with the first of their three children five months into the relationship. “Financial abuse started immediately. I quit my studies and wasn’t allowed to work; the allowance I received plus some Centrelink money was all I had.”
The escalating abuse left Esdaile-Watts feeling isolated and eventually suicidal. The violence came to a head in 2006, when EsdaileWatts attempted to leave (statistically the most dangerous time for victims of domestic
violence). Her former partner bashed and stabbed her before fleeing. “I remember the pain in my chest from screaming for help so loud and so hard and so desperate,” she says. “We know, on average, one woman every nine days dies from domestic violence. I could have been that statistic.”
Esdaile-Watts then spent four-and-a-half stressful and exhausting years navigating the criminal justice system.
At the criminal trial, her former partner was convicted of grievous bodily harm without intent and other charges. His six-year sentence was reduced to three-and-a-half years on appeal. “It didn’t give me any peace at all,” she says. Now the work of rebuilding her life could begin, but it would be a decade before she healed.
One place where she’d found rare respite was dance class, and in 2017, her group was invited to perform at an event to raise awareness of domestic violence. The Sydney venue happened to be opposite the police station where she was taken on the day she left. The place where she’d been “most afraid” had now “become the place I felt the safest”, shares Esdaile-Watts.
“There were hundreds of people dancing and singing, saying no to DV and violence against women. I danced and I felt so elevated, so happy and free. I felt I had a whole army of people behind me!”
The event marked a turning point, and sparked a new career as a survivor-advocate. “I no longer felt alone and unprotected,” says Esdaile-Watts, who is now happily married to her husband, Tom. “Here, in front of people who wanted to hear my story, I felt alive.”
In January 2017, Esdaile-Watts was named her local council’s Citizen of the Year. More accolades followed, inspiring her to return to TAFE and study a Diploma of Community Services. “I did so many interviews, articles and speeches, met with politicians and participated in events at Parliament House,” she says. “I am still in disbelief. Everything changed.”
Passionate about spreading her message of empowerment, Esdaile-Watts offers hope to women who may be in a situation like the one she lived through. “Read as much as you can on the topic, understand the cycle,” she advises. “With knowledge and your own inner strength, you will get through things you never thought possible. Your dreams and happiness are waiting for you on the other side.”