the rise of THE NEMESIS
Harry Potter had one and Taylor Swift has a few – could there be benefits to finding your nemesis?
Believe it or not, it’s been over a decade since Kanye West stormed the MTV VMAs stage and interrupted Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech for Best Female Video. Twelve years later, and their fiery spat rages on as bitterly as ever. In fact, you might say they’ve become each other’s personal nemesis.
And it turns out they’re not alone. Not just reserved for rappers and Marvel superheroes, the concept of the nemesis is alive and well in the everyday world. They’re the Loki to your Thor; the Nicki Minaj to your Cardi B.
When it comes down to what actually caused the rivalry, it often seems the pettier the reason, the better. It could be as random as the man who pushes to the front of the bus queue every morning, or the girl who hogs the shower at the gym after every workout, or the friend of a friend who always expects lifts and never offers to drive. Whatever it happens to be, Dr Sarah Edelman – a clinical psychologist and author of Change Your Thinking – says reactions like this are common.
“It’s interesting that one person may react very negatively towards a particular person, while others don’t feel the same way,” she says. “You might find yourself wondering, ‘Is it just me? Why can’t other people see what a jerk they are?’”
WHAT CAUSES THE ANIMOSITY?
“Some people ‘press buttons’ for us because of our own history and personality,” Dr Edelman explains. “It may be that we’re highly sensitive and overreact to minor annoying behaviour that is below the radar of other people. Or it may be our own past experiences that make us particularly sensitive to certain behaviours. For instance, being bullied in childhood may make us more reactive to someone who is just a little bit rude or disrespectful, while others don’t see their behaviour as a big deal.”
In fact, in some cases, Dr Edelman says the reason may be quite unexpected. “Some people are particularly reactive to behaviours that are consistent with their own personality traits,” she explains. “For instance, we may be reactive to approvalseeking behaviour in others when that’s something we would like in ourselves.”
CAN YOU EVER CHANNEL THESE FEELINGS INTO A HEALTHY RIVALRY?
Sadly, not really, says Dr Edelman. But the good news is that they can be guided and used in more constructive ways and even beneficial ways. “Noticing our reactions to other people can be a trigger to learn more about ourselves,” she explains. “Ask yourself, ‘Why am I responding like this? What is it about the person that makes me feel so irritated?’”
Another option may be to take a leaf from Swift and former nemesis Katy Perry’s book – who eventually learned to put their differences aside. “Unless the other person is being deliberately aggressive or undermining, you don’t need to see them as the enemy,” adds Dr Edelman.
“One of my favourite quotes by [author] Wendy Mass is, ‘Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.’”
JENNIFER LOPEZ VS MARIAH CAREY
Carey’s feud with Lopez escalated when she insisted, “I don’t know her,” in a now notorious interview. Especially since J.Lo claims they’ve actually met many times, saying, “She’s forgetful, I guess!”
JERRY SEINFELD VS NEWMAN While they occasionally joined forces for the greater good, Seinfeld’s scheming neighbour Newman was a constant antagonist on Seinfeld – like the time he brought fleas into the comedian’s flat.
HARRY POTTER VS LORD VOLDEMORT
OK, so we wouldn’t exactly call this feud petty, but the ongoing clash between Harry Potter and the Dark Lord marks one of the greatest fictional clashes between good and evil of all time.