BREAKING DOWN TABOOS
Yumi Stynes and Claudine Ryan explain why they’re tearing open the sealed section on women’s issues
From embarrassing medical questions to sex and relationship dramas to tricky social situations, life is full of topics that require careful navigation. But it often feels that the subjects that we need to discuss the most are also the ones we’re too hesitant to talk about.
Yumi Stynes and Claudine Ryan are on a mission to end those taboos. They’re the co-creators of the hugely popular Ladies, We Need to Talk podcast, which is hosted by Stynes and tackles everything from sex detoxes to digital dating despair, to making friends as an adult.
With their new book of the same name, they’re continuing their deep dive into life’s awkward subjects. In our exclusive chat, Ryan and Stynes explain why it’s time to lift the lid and start a conversation!
How did the idea for the podcast first come about?
STYNES AND RYAN It started with a burning frustration that too many women still feel a sense of shame, disconnection, discomfort or pain when it comes to their bodies. We knew this from our own lived experiences and those of women we know, but we had a hunch that this was something that affected many, many, many women.
Why is it important to be open and talk about awkward subjects?
STYNES AND RYAN One of the big questions that comes up in the podcast and the book is, “Am I normal?” We ask this question about our bodies, our sexual preferences, our life choices and our frustrations. Very often the answer is “there’s no normal”. We also reckon that if you’re an adult, in an adult body and you like doing adult things, then you should probably understand what is going on in that adult body and know how to speak up for it.
Why do you think that so many women's issues are still considered taboo?
Between shame that we learn as children (“Oooh! She said ‘vagina’!”) and society’s reluctance to be specific, detailed and frank about any health issues that reside in the “underpants region” – taboos survive and exist within us all. It’s not until we unpack and examine why they’re shameful that we see there’s actually no shame at all.
There’s also the longstanding gender bias in medicine and medical research, which means that male bodies and experiences (especially white male bodies and experiences) are considered the norm and everything else is somehow flawed or defective. One of the impacts of this is that women’s health issues tend to be less researched and poorly understood.
Which episode has received the biggest response from listeners?
Our episodes about female friendships and about solving the mental load have been the two we get the most feedback about. Female friendship is pretty self-explanatory, but the mental load is a way of naming the burden of having to run a household with all the tasks (including the delegating of tasks) being the woman’s problem while the man just says, “Why didn’t you ask?” or, “I didn’t know you wanted me to!” We’ve also had heaps of women write to us about prolapse, body image, pelvic pain, being single and choosing to be child-free.
What fact has surprised you the most since starting the podcast? STYNES The thing that most surprised me was how often we could be surprised! We were so often left with our jaws hanging open, saying, “What? Why didn’t I know this?” Even stuff like talking about how to game our hormones so we do cool stuff during the times of the month when we’re most up for it, thoughtful stuff during our more fallow periods, and knowing that we’re allowed to crash and have some in-bed rest time if needed. It’s always surprising how much we live in ignorance of the very things that make our lives better, worse, exciting and weird!
RYAN How many of us are suffering through painful sex.
What's your advice to mothers when it comes to talking to their daughters about women's issues?
STYNES AND RYAN It’s a rare person who knows everything, so never be afraid to say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” Use trusted resources. As vax-deniers have shown, misinformation is pervasive, seductive and everywhere. Finally, never lie! Never bullshit.
What do you hope readers will take away after reading the book?
STYNES AND RYAN That whatever is going on for them, they are not alone.