ASK A THERAPIST

Couples counsellor Amanda Hallam from @the_indigo_project debunks myths about couples therapy.

How can I get my partner to go to couples therapy with me?

Sometimes it can feel like you’re the only one wanting to fix your relationship and that your partner isn’t as motivated or doesn’t want to talk about the issues. When therapy is suggested to help the dynamic, that can feel confronting for one or both of you and bring up feelings such as fear or failure. Therapy is often seen as something couples do at the end of the road, which is not the case. It is important to acknowledge this and perhaps approach the idea of therapy with your partner in a way that validates these feelings. Talking to your partner about how you have noticed that you are both in emotional pain with what is happening between you can assist you to feel like you’re on the same page. It is important to share your hope that therapy is an opportunity to explore how to do your relationship differently, so you don’t hurt each other anymore.

Will a therapist just tell us to break up?

A couple’s therapist is not an expert on you and your relationship. A therapist’s role is to help guide you to find clarity, awareness and discover the core of the issues between the two of you. You may discover through this process that the relationship has run its course, but this is a place you get to through the emotional work, not a direction from a therapist.

Sit in on therapy sessions with Couples Therapy, streaming now on Paramount+.

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