The moment our lives changed FOREVER
HEARTBROKEN MUM FINALLY TELLS
Lori O’keeffe spent five years searching for her son, Daniel, before his body was found underneath the family home
Daniel O’keeffe’s smiling face became familiar to many Australians after he disappeared one morning in July 2011. His parents and three sisters embarked on a relentless campaign to keep the beloved 24-year-old in our hearts and minds while they looked for him, and they also helped many other families suffering the agonies and uncertainties involved when a loved one is missing. But tragically, in March last year, the search came to an end at the family’s home on the outskirts of Geelong, Victoria. Dad Des was clearing out a cramped storage area in the basement of their property, which is cut into a limestone hill.
“I was baking in the kitchen and heard a strange noise,” recalls mum Lori. “Then I saw Des rushing along the side of the house and he was still making that noise. I ran out thinking he’d injured himself, – but instead he said ‘I’ve found Dan’. ”
After years chasing possible leads – including CCTV footage of a young man who bore an uncanny resemblance to Daniel seeking help in a Queensland medical clinic – it turns out he never left home.
On the day he disappeared, police believe Daniel took his own life after accessing a cool, dark, rocky space beneath the house that could only be accessed by a narrow corridor.
“I never even knew that space existed, but our girls said they’d played there as kids,” says Lori. “Des only happened to be down there because he was clearing space for some of his mother’s furniture, as she had gone into an aged-care home. If not, we may never have found him. “Some people wondered how we couldn’t know Dan was there, but if you saw the space and how remote it is, you’d understand.
“Des was always 100 per cent of the belief that Dan was coming home. He said Dan would be home when he was ready and, that day, Dan was ready to be found. When I think of Dan, I think of my beautiful boy, but Des has been left with a very veryy different image. However,wever, he is a strong personn and he gets up every day andnd does what he has to do.”
Nobody will know exactly what was going through Daniel’s mind that day. Lori spoke to him the evening before he vanished when he thanked her for a beautiful dinner. The next morning, she left home to help a friend. Daniel was nowhere to be seen, so she assumed he’d gone for a walk.
That evening, when nobody had heard from him, the family alerted the police, but there was no search of the home by police or sniffer dogs, nor did police trace his mobile phone signal, so the family were simply left wondering, desperately hoping he’d return.
Lori says Daniel was facing some challenges – his gym business had suffered a setback when he was suddenly forced to move premises – but he hid how deeply depressed he was.
“My three girls are very resilient, but Dan missed out on that gene,” says Lori. “Little things happened over the months before he left and we didn’t know, but they got him down.
“I worked as a volunteer in mental-health services for years, but I couldn’t comprehend how my beautiful boy, who was so loved, could feel the way he felt.
“I don’t question Dan’s love for us, but when you take your life, you shift your worries and burdens to your loved ones. Life is so difficult for the people you leave behind.”
In the weeks and months after Daniel was found, the close-knit family supported each other – and they still do. Daniel’s sister Loren is the founder and CEO of the Missing Persons Advocacy Network (MPAN), a not-for-profit that offers practical support to families of the missing. His other sister Kate expressed the family’s emotions by writing, producing and starring in two powerful theatre productions.
Lori and Des are filled with pride for how Loren, Kate and
their eldest daughter, Vicki, have coped sinces Daniel leftl them.
“They’ve found joyjo in the love they haveha for Dan – they realiserea what a gift it is,” smilessm Lori. The family are each other’s greatestgr support while each passingp year brings another series ofo anniversaries: Christmas, Easter,East Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, the day Daniel vanished, the day he was found, the day he was buried…
“Last Christmas was difficult,” reflects Lori. “I always wondered if he’d come home at Christmas, and this was the first year we all knew he wouldn’t be coming home. Initially I didn’t want to do Christmas – I actually didn’t feel I could do it. But Dan loved that time of year and he’d been here with us every Christmas without us knowing it.”
Daniel was laid to rest in a peaceful bush cemetery within earshot of the ocean. His grave will be marked with a simple plaque and a limestone rock from the family home.
“That’s the hardest thing – to go to his grave and see his name,” says Lori, frankly.
“When I’m out now, I look at men of Dan’s age and think how lucky their mums are. The loss of a child is indescribable,” adds Lori.
“People talk about living in the moment, but I live in the past or the future because the moment is too painful. The future keeps me going and the memories of the past keep me warm.
“But no matter how difficult some days are, Dan would want us to go on, and that’s what we will do to honour him.”
‘I live in the past or the future – the moment is too painful’
To learn more about MPAN or to get involved or make a donation to support its work, visit mpan.com.au. Support is available for anyone who feels distressed by calling Lifeline on 13 11 14.