Parenting
Mother-of-two and TV presenter JESSICA ROWE shares her parenting journey and tells why we should ditch the mum guilt
Jessica Rowe
There’s so much I still don’t know about being a mother. But what I’ve learned is there’s not a one-size-fitsall way of being a good-enough mum. For me, I’m now so much gentler on myself compared to when my girls were babies.
PARENT YOUR WAY
My youngest daughter [Giselle, nine] has “missed out” on going to the playgrounds where I took her big sister [Allegra, 12]. I’d been going brain dead at the park and the thought of spending any more time in grotty sandpits than was necessary filled me with dread.
However, as my confidence grew, I realised I didn’t have to keep going to the playground. Who was I trying to impress? Instead, I found more joy choosing to do things that were fun for me, too – like doing dress-ups, colouring in, listening to the birdsong of our local magpies and pointing out the rainbow lorikeets, as well as the tailless lizards who managed to escape from our cats.
MUM ANXIETY IS REAL
Where does the hum of anxiety that surrounds being a modernday mum come from? I’ve spoken with our first female governor-general Dame Quentin Bryce about this issue facing many parents. For her, the topic has come up frequently in the conversations she’s had with families over the years. Dame Quentin says it often comes back to how they find it, “hard-going working out how to be a very good parent”.
She thinks it’s because life has become more complex. For example, there are now more stepfamilies, there’s the internet to contend with, plus the fact that many parents are older.
[But] the internet isn’t all bad, and the challenge is to filter out the online nonsense that can make you feel inadequate. Twitter was a lifeline when I was stuck at home with my baby girls
because its catchy, short stream of conversation, gossip and news helped me feel connected to the wider world.
Also thanks to the net, our generation has never had more information, articles, websites and manuals about being a good parent. It’s time to back our own abilities when it comes to our kids – no one knows our children better than we do. My philosophy is: “Do whatever gets you through that moment, day or night!”
ACCEPTANCE IS KEY
Now I’m more willing to change things that don’t work, regardless of what some book or expert says I “should” be doing.
What do I mean by this? OK, I’ve learned to pick my battles with my children. It doesn’t matter if they don’t brush their hair, wear the same outfit, or want to eat the same food for weeks on end. But I won’t tolerate rudeness or bad manners.
It’s OK if they bicker with one another. But it is not OK to be unkind to one another, as kindness and compassion matter a lot to our family. These big-ticket items are the battles worth fighting for.