PRACTISE SOME SELF-KINDNESS

Ppsychologisthli REBECCA RAY sharesh hher advice on becoming your own best friend

Do you feel as though you often jump at the chance to critique your choices and actions? Do you spend more time making others feel special than you do yourself? Does what people think about you matter more than your own opinion of yourself?

Well, then it’s time for you to embrace some self-love!

It’s more than putting on a face mask, or treating yourself to your favourite cheat meal (but they’re both all well and good!), it’s about looking inside yourself for self-affirmation, respect and understanding.

Psychologist Rebecca Ray shares her advice on how to reconnect with yourself.

SELF-KINDNESS

It seems so much easier to be tough on ourselves than being kind, so how do we kick those negative voices from our mind?

“Self-kindness is both an attitude and a practice that represent a gentle, compassionate and forgiving relationship with ourselves that provides the foundation for us to live bravely into our potential,” says Rebecca. “There are many ways to practise self-kindness.

From speaking to yourself gently and kindly instead of criticising and judging yourself, to giving yourself permission to rest rather than heading towards burnout, to looking after your body – even when you don’t feel like it – because it’s consistent with your values and vision of the life you’re out to create.”

SELF-FORGIVENESS

Perhaps you’ve made a mistake and you’re not letting yourself live it down. Rebecca advises to just keep practising

forgiveness – it can take time and that’s OK.

“Self-forgiveness takes practice and may not stick the first few times you try it,” she says.

“We often hold past selves to a standard that’s born from hindsight – we judge previous selves unfairly based on what we now know but didn’t know then. Choose to go gently. Choose compassion for your younger self. Holding yourself prisoner to your mistakes doesn’t help to make amends, or to learn from them, or to move forward.”

One piece of advice Rebecca gives is to write a letter to your younger self, reflecting on choices and forgiving yourself for them.

“Bring empathy to the wisdom you have learned from your mistakes,” she says. “Thank your younger self for trying, coping, learning and growing.”

SELF-TRUST

It’s time to stop letting yourself down and start keeping the promises you make for you.

“Self-trust means to look after yourself, to meet your needs, and to have your own back when you need it,” says Rebecca. “I think most of us learn to trust ourselves by doing exactly the opposite: by abandoning ourselves and letting ourselves down. This usually happens by ignoring our intuition. From this place, self-trust takes time to rebuild. To strengthen self-trust, start by listening to your intuition. It’s your inner voice that’s telling you what’s most important.”