GUIDING KIDS THROUGH CHANGE

Ease your child’s worries without adding to your own stress

Child psychologist Kirrilie Smout explains how to help your child deal with new situations, even if you don’t have all the answers.

JUST ENOUGH

So, your child has asked you a loaded question, how do you respond? First of all, keep your body language and voice calm and confident.

“Ask them questions to find out their thoughts and concerns before providing explanations,” Kirrilie recommends. “Provide just enough information. Enough to allay concerns and help increase your child’s sense of safety, but not too much to raise questions or concerns they may not already have.”

It also might help to give an explanation of how the situation is being handled, such as, “The adults in charge are making plans and handling it.” If your child wants to talk about the topic too frequently or is getting distressed, you can draw the line.

“Feel free to put limits on the frequency and time spent on these conversations,” says Kirrilie. “It’s OK to say, ‘That’s an adult worry, we don’t need to talk about that any more.’”

If the subject is too stressful, you can always ask trusted family and friends to help discuss the topic.

SET AN EXAMPLE

“Have the expectation that children are adjustable and cope with all kinds of new ways of living,” says Kirrilie. “Talk in a confident way about the positives of doing things in new ways. This could be, ‘Wow, that’s a good experience we haven’t had before,’ or, ‘Our brain becomes stronger when we do things in different ways.’”

This technique can be a helpful way of processing change for adults as well.

“Talking to children about challenges can actually make adults feel better. When they talk in a calm and confident way, it helps them feel better too.” It’s a win-win!

HAPPY HOME

While you and your child are adjusting to a new situation, try to keep up your daily routine where possible. Kirrilie notes that if they’re having a tough time, it might be helpful to make some changes.

“You might be more relaxed than usual on some of the rules and expectations,” she suggests. “Try spending time with them doing activities they enjoy, having conversations, connecting with important people via phone or Facetime, having an ongoing project, and being physically active each day.” Any extra effort, big or small, can make a world of difference.

EXTRA HELP

If you need extra support, try Calm Kid Central, an online program created by Kirrilie. It provides parents with access to child psychologists, courses and video lessons for parents of children aged four to 11. From $28.50 per month, free for eligible HCF members.