Talking to men about MENTAL HEALTH

With males less likely to seek help for depression and anxiety, here’s what you can do to encourage them to speak up

In any given year, one in seven Australian men will experience depression or anxiety, or both. Even more startling, about six men die by suicide in our country every day.

These are statistics – and, more importantly, lives – that we can help change.

Dr Grant Blashki, Beyond Blue’s lead clinical adviser, shares his advice on how to talk to the men in our lives about their mental health – and more importantly, get them talking about it...

STARTING THE CONVERSATION

According to Dr Blashki, one of the most common fears for people wanting to have a conversation with their loved ones is that they’re worried they’ll say the wrong thing or making things worse.

“Firstly, if you’re worried about someone, don’t hesitate to reach out – your support could be vital,” Dr Blashki reassures.

“There’s no right or wrong way to go about it, but it’s important that you choose a way that feels comfortable.”

He suggests these three easy steps:

Ask if they want to talk about it. It might be that they don’t want to and that’s OK, too. Maybe you’re not the right person for them to talk to, but you can make some suggestions. Listen. Silence may seem awkward at first but think of it as a chance for both of you to gather your thoughts. If you’re finding it difficult to understand what they’re talking about, it’s OK to ask them to explain further. Support is the most important thing you can offer. If they refuse, help them explore their options for how they could begin to feel better.

WHAT NOT TO ASK

There are certain words and phrases that can be damaging to someone with a mental health condition and could even deter them from talking openly about it.

“It’s important to be non-judgemental, listen to what they’re saying and approach what they may be feeling with empathy,” says Dr Blashki.

“I recommend you avoid phrases like ‘cheer up’, ‘snap out of it’, ‘it’s all in your head’, ‘what’s wrong with you?’ and ‘you don’t look depressed’. Being judgemental, flippant or dismissive of what your loved one is going through can make it look like you’re not taking it seriously and could make that person feel even more isolated.”

DEALING WITH HESITATION

If you feel like you can see a man in your life struggling but they’re reluctant to talk to you about it after you’ve approached them, Dr Blashki

advises not to push the subject.

“Instead of forcing the issue, you can ensure that the person knows they can talk to you if they ey ever need to and then switch witch your focus to staying in touch ouch and doing things together r that might make them feel el less alone,” he says.

On the other hand, if the gentleman in question does open up about needing help, here’s what you can do to guide and support them to professional help:

Try sharing some of your own vulnerabilities and experiences – this can make it easier for him to open up. If the man has acknowledged an issue but hasn’t sought help, ask them, “How bad do things have to get?” “What would your life look like at that point?” Talk about the benefits of getting help before this point. Many people struggling with mental health can feel unworthy of support. So if they don’t think they need it or they don’t want it, ask them to do it for you.