OPEN LETTER TO CHIEF JUSTICE

Your Worship, rarely, if ever, do you receive mail via these pages but extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures – extraordinary application in this particularly extraordinary case. On the face of it, the issue we want to raise with you has absolutely nothing to do with Botswana and your office but it does because it involves an international fugitive with very strong Botswana links. The person in question is Shepherd Bushiri, an amateur magician- cumprofessional- pickpocket who has been posing as a pastor for the past several years. Bushiri and his wife have been accused by the South African government of a host of ungodly sins, all apparently motivated by personal greed. The couple was briefly detained, later released on bail but have since fled back home to Malawi from where Bushiri recorded a video message in which he alleges that there is a plot to kill him. Our interest is in another video, made way before this saga and labelled “Major 1” in our bundle, in which Bushiri makes a suggestion that prompted this application/ letter. He says the following in that video: “Prudahnt muhn or the Russia’s muhn, sees trouble and run away but the foorish muhn sees trouble and stays there. What to mamakes you it gives you ability to staystranjam and [ makes whistling noise denoting disappearing into thin air].” Roughly translated, the Pidgin English basically means that people should skip bail. We wish to remind you that this message comes from a man who not only has a very large following in Botswana but has also skipped bail himself. In case you are wondering about the subject- verb disagreement in one part of that statement, it would seem that Bushiri sneaked to the marketplace to watch a magician’s performance on the day that his English teacher at Mukuzu Primary School was teaching subject- verb agreement. On becoming an adult, Bushiri would himself become a magician, which skill he parlayed into a commercial- religion career, recasting the magic tricks that he performed as “miracles.” While he got in deep into religion, Bushiri retained some ungodly habits and has been straight cold thuggin’ - the way he makes the whistling sound for disappearing into thin air reveals a 100 percent street pedigree. Another piece of evidence we want to submit – which is marked “Major 1( a)” in our bundle – is of a Twitter message in which Bushiri tells his supporters that he has fled South Africa and invites them to also “Come to Malawi.” It goes without saying that some of the people that he wants to go to Malawi are Batswana who are out on bail – the same Batswana he has told that skipping bail is virtuous. Your Worship, our prayer to this court is that you should, ex abundati cautella ( term copyrighted to the leader of Botswana’s main opposition party) suspend Orders 15 and 62 of the Rules of the High Court, which make provisions for holding people to bail. It has become evident that no SADC government can compete with Bushiri: the law sets certain conditions for bail but Bushiri has told his supporters that adhering to those conditions is a sign of foolishness. As the court pleases.

PLEASE BOYCOTT OUR ELEPHANTS, RHINOS

What happened up in Chobe between an army patrol team and four Namibian men is tragic but it would be even more tragic if it causes enduring conflict between countries that otherwise have a good relationship. Social media is characteristically not being helpful and some sections of Namibian Facebook and Twitter users have launched a campaign to boycott Botswana goods. That is a tough proposition because some Namibian professionals were trained in Botswana. How do you boycott medical knowledge gained in Botswana when you are rushed to a hospital with a severe case of COVID- 19? If you are facing a serious criminal charge that could send you to prison for life, are you seriously going to reject the legal services of a University of Botswana- trained criminal lawyer with a track record of winning case after case at the Namibian appellate court? However, there is one group of people whom we want to boycott particular Botswana goods. In no way are we suggesting that the four men who were killed by the army patrol team were poachers because we don’t know anything about them. That said, some poachers have come from Namibia and we would like this particular group of people to boycott our elephants and rhinos so that Batswana and Namibians can live in peace.

MINISTER DOESN’T KNOW WHAT ‘ INJURE’ MEANS

Despite his four degrees from Yale University, the minister responsible for appointing ruling- party members to landboards, Kefentse Mzwinila, still doesn’t seem to know what “injure” means. Last week, when the Leader of the Opposition tackled him on his landboard appointments, Mzwinila said that revealing personal details about the appointees would “injure” some clauses of the Standing Orders. Post- COVID, he should visit the rowdiest snooker- and- jukebox bar in Mmadinare, his home village, on a monthend weekend. When he leaves, not only would the minister have seen what “injure” means, he would also know what ( party) colour it produces within seconds.