Palesa Molefe already a winner

By the time this newspaper edition hits the streets, the Miss World finale would be done and dusted a few hours earlier. Judging by the national mood, it would be a bonus for the country’s representative to be crowned or be enlisted in any top finalists.

In Botswana, the 24 year old, Palesa Molefe is already a winner.

Palesa, or affectionately called Mpale, had an instant national recognition and acceptance, even before she flew out to Puerto Rico for the first time last November. It wasn’t only her physical beauty, marked by that bald head and intrusive smile, but also her spontaneity, carefree and universal attitude that touched and appealed to a collective national conscience. At a time when the nation is rarely in agreement, Palesa has become the adhesive that binds the polarised emotions together. For a moment, national cohesion occupied a centre stage and polarising issues put on the backyard. This kind of national response only come to our shores in intermittent spats, usually from the sports triumphs.

Of course Palesa has predecessors with similar success. A few years ago, another beauty, Emmah Wareus snapped a second Princess crown in the same pageant; the most memorial was when Mpule Kwelagobe got the ultimate crown of Miss Universe some decades ago. In both occasions, the build- up was more restrained. The public outburst only followed the victory announcement. This time, with improved information platforms, notably social media, accessing the Queen’s itinerary was effortless and this added to the passion that built up along the process. Perhaps the organisers too, deserve a mention for defying the odds to prepare for this undertaking. What are the odds?

It is an open secret that these kinds of projects are under resourced. The corporate industry is not as instantly responsive as it appears to be the case in certain countries that do well at international events. The corporate is known to appear when they realise that the traction has been established, especially with the public attention. While this is expected for profit oriented industry, it however denies the pageantry a good start. It goes without saying that the beginning is the hardest part; when scouts have to traverse this sparse country to identify these young models, holding induction workshops and similar activities a decent budget is needed. The corporate will do well to associate with the project in the earliest stages.

Beauty pageantry has become a big industry, encompassing all kinds of creative, and is not only confined to the physical or complexion structure of models. Watching these young lasses outdoing each other during their stay at the venue is a marvel display of brains at work. This alone, will go a long way in empowering the young people, women, in this particular case.

£ OVE, MONEY AND BAIL

Said with a Zimbabwean accent and topped off with a hearty, “re kwano” laugh at the very end: “People say that love is a beautiful thing but have you tried £ ove, robbery money and getting bail on the very first attempt?” Let’s toast to that with some red wine – or would you prefer Hennessy? £ ove brought home six bottles last night when he came back from work ( wink, wink), you know - work. For now though, let’s have some English breakfast; please pass me the salt shaker. In other news, the Botswana Police Service has opened talks with representatives of the Beautiful Girls Association from Botswana, South Africa and Zimbabwe.

The talks represent effort by BPS to tamp down the spate of armed robberies that have spiraled out of control during the past several months. The police are hoping to arrest this problem at the £ ove level.

SUPERNATURAL FORTIFICATION FOR NATURAL RESOURCES

Not an hour passes without money being stolen from the government’s coffers – or some people plotting how they can steal it. Clearly, we have a problem that the Directorate on Corruption and Economic Crime cannot solve. Thankfully though, there is something that we can do without even spending 0.0001 percent of the millions of pula that the government pours into DCEC. We can supernaturally fortify the money that is stolen in much the same way that some farmers supernaturally fortify their cattle herds and crop fields.

Many, many years ago, Radio Botswana reported an incident that happened in Ngwaketse, about an on- duty cattle thief whose expedition ( and career) was cut short by a black mamba that slithered out of nowhere and wrapped itself around him such that it ended up coming face to face with him. In a subsequent Botswana Daily News cartoon, the snake asked him “Di ya kae dikgomo tse?” [ Where are you driving these cattle?) This was good, old- fashioned African propertyprotection science that has been known to take many forms. The most highly skilled members of the Botswana Dingaka Association can supernaturally fortify the vaults at the Bank of Botswana. The same can be done with all our natural resources: forest, aquatic, geological, hydro- geological, edaphic and wildlife.

PUNISHMENT FOR THE CORRUPT

Yes, that is a good question because as we supernaturally fortify our natural resources, we should also be thinking of the most creative, most cruel and most unusual punishments that we would mete out on culprits. For example, how should someone who corruptly tricked out P600 million from government coffers be punished creatively, cruelly and unusually? This heartless criminal can be made to report to the crime scene ( where he was working when he stole the money) each weekday, holding a stack of newspapers and promotion catalogues as well as a pair of scissors. Taking a prominent spot outside the gate, he can then proceed to cut out P200- sized pieces from the paper until these “notes” equal the amount he stole. Passersby would rubberneck at the sight and some would remark, “Shee! Kana monna yo e ne e le PS mo ministry- ing one o.” If he runs out of paper before reaching the target, he would walk through town, ransacking dustbins looking for more paper. When he finally reaches his target, he would pay his accomplices a visit and as he did the first time, give them their “cut.” Then he would go looking for more paper and when he has collected enough yardage, return to work. He would do this for a minimum of 20 years and when released from this spell, live in abject poverty until his dying day.

Nothing, including tag teams of highpriced local lawyers and white South African advocates, would be able to save him. It has been reported that billions of pula leave Botswana in the form of illicit financial flows and that some legallyregistered and trading companies steal diamonds by not declaring them to the government. We could apply the fake P200 notes punishment with the former, the only variation being that the money factory would be set up at some prominent location in London, Rome, Wuhan, Mumbai or Sri Jayawardenepura Kotte. The reason for changing the address would be to send a warning to “foreign investors” who may be thinking of setting up scam operations here. With the latter, we can have the culprits cutting fake gem diamonds from empty bottles, right in front of the Antwerp Diamond Bourse in Belgium. We can fight corruption or we can continue pretending that we are.

SUBMISSION TO CONSTITUTIONAL REVIEW COMMISSION

Mr. Chairman, we propose that the section of the Constitution dealing with the legislature should be amended such that all politicians are legally required to wear branded clothing showing who their financiers are. We further propose that all those holding the office of kgosi should be conscripted into the Botswana Defence Force, rising to becoming commandos. That is because in the past, one became a kgosi strictly on the basis of combat prowess. Failing that, we risk a situation similar to that of the House of Windsor in England where a prince in his 60s has a collection of 72 teddy bears that have their own maid. This maid is routinely workshopped on how to arrange these bears in a special and elaborate way.