A father’s love, a luxury to many
On Sunday the world celebrates fathers. But not everyone will be celebrating. In fact, Father’s Day has slowly become an occasion to gauge the general performance of fathers in society and from what can be seen on social media, many fathers are dropping the ball.
Unlike Mother’s Day, which is universally celebrated and used as an opportunity to hail mothers for their role in building children, families and society, Father’s Day, especially on social media, usually turns into a ‘deadbeat dad bashing day’.
In Botswana, each Father’s Day, social media trends show that many children feel their fathers are failing them in numerous ways. Some do not provide, others abuse, some have hidden children and families, others are drunkards and some are totally absent, on the run from their responsibilities.
Deadbeat dads are a popular topic on local social media, with the term used to describe fathers who do not take responsibility or who have to be forced to take care of their children. This father absenteeism ends up causing emotional turbulence to children who sometimes grow up with difficulties. Daughters, in particular, are known to develop ‘daddy issues’ as a result of absenteeism or abandonment by fathers, which leads some to end up yearning and searching for a father’s love in the wrong places such as in abusive relationships. Meanwhile, sons who lack this love can sometimes find themselves with no direction in life and without this, resort to unsavoury behaviour such as crime.
A father’s attention and love for their children is the biggest gift a father can give. Mmegi spoke to a few young people on this topic. Naturally, none of them was willing to provide their full names given the sensitivity of the topic.
‘’The presence or touch of fathers is not felt enough for them to be appreciated more,” says Mosetsana, 24.
“It’s not just in households where mothers are single parents. Even with both parents present, parenting sometimes is on the woman’s shoulders.
“One major problem is lack of family planning. Many families end up being single-parent households because maybe the mother and the father did not have any plans of having a family together. Some have conflicts along the route of life and break up as a result.”
Mosetsana says even in households where fathers enjoy good relations with the mother and children, men are mostly taken as providers for the family, not caretakers. Much of the responsibility of child welfare is given to mothers or women who then tend to have a better relationship with the children than the fathers do.
For 25-year-old Candy, Mother’s Day is more celebrated because mothers stick with their children through thick and thin, while fathers are known to abandon children and families.
“Sometimes mothers never want to raise children together with the fathers, but they blamed how fathers can be careless.
“Basadi ba rata go ikgagapella bana gore ba ba jese bale nosi ha ngwana a gola ithela asa hiwe full story of why dad asena sepe le ene.”
Andria, 24, says many youths in Botswana are closer to their mothers because their fathers were absent in their upbringing.
“Ga se gantsi oka utlwa gotwe ke mosadi o latlhile ngwana, so in a way many youths do not have any kind of relationship with their fathers, because they left.
“The reason why we celebrate Mother’s Day more is because we grew up closer to our mothers from birth.
“We know the struggles that mothers face sacrificing to make sure we don’t sleep on empty stomachs.
“We cry to mothers about everything we face and all our difficulties. You can even see this when you [literally] fall, you say ‘mme wee’ rather than ‘ntate wee’. “We trust our mothers more than we do our fathers.”
Merapelo, 25, says growing up she wanted to meet her father, but even when her mother passed away, he was still nowhere to be found.
“I tried reaching out to him because I needed his love and attention then but it was all in vain.
“I had to learn to live without him.
“Why care about someone who doesn’t care about you?
“My father may be a good father to his children, but the fact that he abandoned yo mongwe makes him like the rest ba ba itatotseng bana.
Merapelo says the view that girls get attracted to men who remind them of their fathers is ridiculous.
“Gatwe girls fall in love with their fathers, gore ba batla banna ba ba tshwanang le their dads? Lies! Nna my baby daddy is the best! He is amazing tota, and he is a better parent than me. So Father’s Day means a lot to me because I get to celebrate men like him.”
*Tebelelo is a regular contributor to Mmegi. She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Counselling from the University of Botswana