Would you like to be desirable?
According to the latest population census report, there are over 165,000 people in Botswana who are 60 years and older. Furthermore, according to this report, while just 10 years ago, the annual rate of increase for this age group was 2.86 percent, now it is 4.36 percent, almost double the one of the previous decade. Put somewhat differently, more and more people in Botswana, as elsewhere, are living long enough to be old, as old age is generally accepted to begin at the age of 60. (For present purposes, it is not necessary to explore why this is so.)
And the longer their lifespan, the more our realisation that their old age is frequently preceded and propelled by their deliberate acts – of good decisions about lifestyle taken over a long course of life, or perhaps by good genes applied correctly or steadfastly in retaining life itself, or a combination of one or more of these. But the arc of every long life is always at odds with this propulsion. Everywhere long life is lived with less activity, less travel, less exploration and perhaps unique amongst all age groups, less self-consciousness. Why then, would anyone look forward to being old? Because surprisingly, old age has several virtues and is thus amenable to desirability.
In old age, typically one has a strong sense of confidence in themselves because one possesses a sufficient amount of good sense, balance and moderation, indeed the ingredients of (their) wisdom. Additionally, old people are empowered by having lived longer, having gained a lot by living life through most experiences and having survived the so-called hard knocks of life that even the best manual of life is incapable of teaching them.
In the 2016 movie, The Intern, an old, retired man, played by Robert De Niro, is rehired as an aged intern to a young, brilliant, high-flying woman start-up executive in New York City. She appears to have a fairly successful business life, except that she is naive and blind to the menacing and manipulative force of a lover. To her, he imparts everyday wisdom and confidence derived solely from his old age. In the movie, although he is never absent from work, daily the old man is practically unseen by his young colleagues. This doesn’t bother him. While the movie is set in the USA, it is possible that its narrative could be seen anywhere else in the world. In any event, psychologists say that all humans want to be recognised. Yet, apparently, old people want to be recognised differently. Old people want to be recognised for their lives, for the good fortune they have had to be the author of their own lives for a much longer time than others, and for how useful they have been or can still be to others. In other words, even as they become older and more unrecognised because the interest of others in them declines, and they are called more by their children’s first names than their own first names, they still require recognition. Indeed, they wish they could be recognised for the place they occupy in the scheme of a life lived just a little longer than the rest of us.
When you are old, because time is not on your side, it is usually a lot on your mind. Hence old people are more likely to wear watches than young people. To old people, life, experiences and their looming end blend easily and an occasional glance at their watches is a metaphorical confirmation to them that time really flies as they get older. Science explains this phenomenon this way – when you are young because there is less to recall, experiences tend to be processed faster and thus time appears to stretch forever.
Who does not recall how schooling, doing domestic chores, vacations, playing, etc. appeared to go on endlessly when they were young? When you are older, because the brain has matured, grown bigger and become complex, memories and new mental images have to travel longer paths and thus take longer to be obtained and processed, which in turn makes time appear as if it is fast when it is not.
Significantly, through numerous studies, it has been observed that as people get older, they tend to derive less satisfaction from the things that they previously yearned for: big homes, luxurious vehicles, fashionable clothes and the latest home appliances and gadgets – indeed the stuff that previously was the reason they were driven to earn more so as to afford them. Instead, old people ordinarily tend to live simply, with less of almost everything (and everyone), except their time on earth. They also typically tend to have lowered expectations of themselves, others and the world around them. Unsurprisingly, this mindset usually brings them both freedom and relief from the self-inflicted stress of aggrandisement.
Old people are prone to hold their opinions – which can easily be conservative – resolutely. But because they have long been students of life and history, and can recall despair yet draw hope out of it, they are likely to be open-hearted about their views, and thus praise and criticise liberally.
Old age is also closely associated with late blooming. There are countless examples of leaders, intellectuals, athletes and artists managing impossible feats or doing their most accomplished works in their golden years. Research confirms this. In any event, it has been found that the inclination and ability to use knowledge and experience acquired over a lifetime, coupled with the vocabulary that usually accompanies them, increase as we get older. Old age is certainly not the heartthrob of our youth. There is no captivating feminine beauty or attractive masculine physique in it. Nor is there the raw ambition of middle age that preceded it. Rather, even amidst the aches and pains of ageing, old age is the quiet observation of the world, to see what is really true about it. In this way, old age tends to be lived through peering between the facts of the moment and the hope of time. So old people, take comfort from your old age. Although because of it, your youthfulness may long be behind you yet despite everything else, now may be the best time for you to be desired.