Lessons from my battle with anxiety and depression - Sego

Segofalang Nagafela- Bibiza’s first encounter with mental illness was when she developed post-natal depression in 2007 after the birth of her first child.

But at the time, the 22-year-old dismissively attributed it to being an overwhelmed final year student mom trying to balance school and a demanding newborn. Fast forward to 2017, after the birth of her second baby, the same dreadful feeling returned - this time accompanied by other more concerning symptoms.

“I struggled to sleep, suffered from tension headaches and anxiety attacks. I was constantly taking sleeping pills and pain killers to function. And then started the emotional binge eating, to the point I gained so much weight which slid me further into a depressive state,” she shared.

“My self-esteem was very low. Seeing people or going to social events was a trial for me because I always thought that everyone was judging me, and looking down on me. And so, I would often make up excuses to skip hanging out with friends or attending family events.

“I became an angry person and would experience random bursts of anger because I didn’t know how to control my emotions. The self-hatred and self-loathing, the need to just disappear, I felt it all constantly!”

She realised she needed to seek help when she began to have blackouts where she would not remember or account for the lapsed time. “One time,” she recalls, “while driving home, I could not remember driving past traffic lights, let alone getting home!

“That shook me so much, I realised I needed to get professional help because I was either going to seriously hurt myself or an innocent person.”

And so, in 2018, she was diagnosed with depression and put anti- depressants.

She started going to the gym and eating right. Her self-confidence sky-rocketed.

She has claimed her life back. However, every day, she says is a constant battle, especially now as the whole world is going through the COVID-19 pandemic.

“Lockdowns are particularly difficult. Being stuck in one place with noisy children, same environment and not having access to the gym where I release all my stress, wreaked havoc to my mental health and I ended up having to go back on my anti- depressant medication after having been off them for seven months since I started them in 2018.

“At every moment in my life I have to make choices that contribute to on