Forced marriages in Church ruin lives
Onneile Thamuku, who specialises in issues of personal and professional success, has warned against rushed marriages that mostly happen due to pressures from the church.
Thamuku married his first wife when he was only 24 years. She was 23. Although at the time it was only butterflies he felt in his tummy, thinking he had found his forever-after, he would later divorce.
“I was holding a position of Pastor at the time and somehow the church status had to be complimented by a God-fearing wife and a stable home. Many churches encourage this and I see many young people hurriedly getting married for the heck of it or wanting to assume whatever powers they have been promised within the church,” Thamuku told The Midweek Sun.
It is only now at age 49 that he realises how unfair he was on himself, perhaps even on his partner too. He suffocated under the Pastor’s coat and it is only now after re-marrying that he looks back and wishes to advise all young couples not to burn thinking they are doing ‘what God wants.’
His ex-wife no longer lives in Botswana and when he bumped into her some years back, she was a different version of herself.
“Even her dress code had changed, she was rocking her short dresses and all, I was shocked but she too told me that the church suffocated her, being a pastor’s wife was too demanding as there were certain standards that forced her to fit in our little perfect world,” he said.
Information retrieved from Statistics Botswana reveals that the 35-39 and 30-34 age groups have the highest number of solemnised marriages in 2019. However, the figures further indicate that women aged 25-29 recorded the third highest number of marriages in the same year.
There were also registered marriages for girls under the age of 21. The Marriage Act of 2001 says no minor or person below the age of 21 years not being a widower or widow may marry without the consent in writing of his or her parents or guardians.
Thamuku is not against marrying at an early age but advised that it should all be for the right reasons. The couple needs to understand what they are getting themselves into. “It is not only pressure from the church but also families. Some are often in a hurry to send their children away.”
A spokesperson of the Evangelical Fellowship of Botswana (EFB) says under normal circumstances, no one should be pushed or forced into marriage for specific appointments within the church. EFB President Reverend Moffat Lubinda said the church encourages those ready to marry to do so. “There is what we call pre-marital counselling where all issues have to be discussed with those ready for the big commitment.
“It will be wrong for anyone to be pushed into marriage because it can only backfire in the end. No church leader in their right mind can do such,” he said.
According to the Bible he said, no man should live alone. Therefore they encourage companionship, not forced unions. They advise men not to be promiscuous but have one wife.
It would be disastrous should a man of God impregnate different women and his seed scatter around. It would be ugly before the eyes of the congregation. He said a leader needs to be exemplary before his people.
As for accusations that they even finance marriage expenses of those not ‘wise and ready to marry,’ Lubinda said it was only right that the church assist any young man wanting to marry for the right reasons.
“If we have a hard working man of God within the church and he wishes to marry, why should the church not step in and finance his marriage?” he asked.