Of romance and Batswana men
I had a chuckle recently when I came across a social media post that insinuated that romance is not a recurring trait among Batswana, particularly men, who are said to be humdrum and lack vavavoom in the romance stakes.
One lady complained that some Batswana men are boring and only act ‘romantic’ when they solicit coitus. Another said if you see a Motswana man doing a chivalrous act such as opening the car door for her woman, just know that the door is probably broken. Ha!
While some Batswana men are cold, mean and uptight, others are decent, downto-earth and loving. Go tswa hela gore o tlhakana le batho ba ba ntseng jang.
People behave and think differently because everyone is a product of their different background, upbringing, personal beliefs and values.
We all have our own love language but essentially, we are similar. Men believe that being respected is an indication of love and express their emotions through intimacy. Us women are more emotional and want to be appreciated and pampered consistently, that is why re rata ‘dilonyana.’ But love softens us all and when someone is in love, they are naturally inclined to be fun, loving and playful.
The mistake many women make is choosing men they love and not men who love them. The experiences are different. When a man genuinely loves you, the love you give will be reciprocated, and he will always go the extra mile for you. When a man loves a woman, he becomes sensitive to her needs and has an instinctive desire to see her happy. We cannot fight nature. Men are primal creatures, and biologically predisposed to being protective, territorial, and soft towards the women that they love.
I believe that true romance is reflected in kindness, mutual respect and thoughtfulness. The frills we often associate with romance that we see in western movies tend to be fluffy, phony and impractical because they are mere fantasy. The problem is that some women watch too much TV and seemingly think cheesy acts such as being bought expensive flowers and chocolate; or being taken out for fancy dinners, holidays and shopping sprees, is an accurate reflection of love and romance while those frilly acts could be occasional treats.
We often use materialism as a yardstick to measure the intensity of love and if a man easily spends lavishly on a woman, we assume that it means he’s in love with her but that’s not necessarily the case. Some men spoil women just to get into their panties. A man who genuinely loves you will make time for you and always have your best interests at heart beyond soppiness. He probably won’t regularly buy you roses and take you out to fancy restaurants but he will take care and be there for you.
The recurring challenge is that in trying to keep up with the so-called modern ways, some people complicate life and harp over lofty expectations, and in turn put pressure of their significant other to live up to their ideals and are disappointed when they cannot. But it’s absurd. I mean, how should some rural guy from say Mathubudukwane, know that you expect roses, and want to be fed strawberries and cream!?
But sometimes the simple way is the best way. Perhaps we should drop the Western notion of love and romance and accept that as native Africans, our socialisation is uniquely different. Ga re mo States mo. Tota fa rre a tlhokomela bana, a tla lapeng ka serope sa podi, gape a itse go kgoma kwa, surely that is romantic enough…