Chronicles of nosy, noisy neighbours

Comedian Ashifashabba has a joke about a younger woman who lived next door to a nosy old woman who noticed that different cars were always arriving at her place. On this particular day they meet at the gate and they greet each other. The old woman then exclaims: ‘Ngwanaka, ke nna ke bona dikoloi di tsena mo ga gago… every day...in out, in out… dikoloi ka mefuta. Go diragalang. A o makhenekhe?’ (My child, I see different cars coming to your yard daily. What exactly is going on, are you a mechanic?). Ha! Human beings are curious by nature. But some people are not curious but obsessed. They act like spies or snitches, and seemingly want to know everything that if it were up to them,

they would probably want to know how you look in your post-coital groans.

I guess apart from security reasons and architectural aesthetics, that is another reason that people install the high wall around their yards, fittingly referred to as ‘stop nonsense.’ Platonic relationships with neighbours are desirable. After all, they are as good as your family or friends because they live in close proximity. They are the first call when there is a problem or when there is a celebration.

If you grew up in the 90s, you would be familiar with that day-time soapie… Neighbours… ‘Neigbours, everybody needs good neighbours…” But such neighbours were the type on television only. In real life, the affairs aren’t always so cute and whimsical. Batho ba bangwe baa lapisa! Healthy civilised relationships are governed by respect for other people’s boundaries and privacy. Some folk don’t get this… These are the people who are always peering at what is going on even at their neighbour’s, even when there is nothing suspicious to speak of. Motho wa teng o tshela ka go gonyolla molala. Fa a utlwa gate, o henosa curtain.

I have had all sorts of neighbours – from the wonderful, to the strange and even downright obnoxious. I once had a neighbour who was so grumpy that my greeting was always met with a grunt. I have also come across the too curious who don’t seem to know how to mind their own business. I have also dealt with the noisy ones; the type you have to call the cops on to close the party because they seemingly want to have a goomba goomba until the wee hours of the morning, and worse, leave bottles strewn around and sometimes there will be a tingling stench of pot in the air. The tales of neighbours are never-ending. I think that everyone out there has some ‘neighbour story’. There are many people who develop civil and sometimes even friendships with their neighbours, but others don’t see eye to eye. We have caught heed of neighbours who accuse each other of witchcraft, especially in the villages. Others compete and always try to be the better the next. Where do you think the phrase ‘Keeping up with the Jones’ emanated? Others are wireless radios – they revel in sharing bits of information about their neighbours. If there is gossip about you, chances are it came from a relative, a friend or yes, a neighbour! But there is nothing that can come between two neighbours like a dog. I have kept pets, particularly dogs, and know they can be a nuisance, if they aren’t well trained. The dog would drag down the bin and leave litter strewn around. Fa e batla go go seleka a bo e tswa hela ko e nnang teng e tla go itlhoma ko gago. Magtag, o tla fitlhela e ka re e romilwe!