On the “scam” that is Adulting!’
Growing up we lived in an estate complex and my “bestie” was a neighbour called Leatile. After school we would watch Kideo and Pumpkin Patch on TV, or join other kids to play cops and robbers, di-ali (marbles) or race old tyres and wire cars (Yeah, I was a tomboy). One day male bestie and I fought, and it culminated in an epic physical altercation. I kicked and scratched him, and he wrestled me. It ended in tears. I wound up with a bleeding, torn and broken finger that was stitched back in hospital. Once the incident was water under the bridge, whenever I got up to mischief at home,
they would say: ‘Re tloga re go biletsa Leatile!’
We later moved to a township and from day one, those snorty kids were nasty. I recall that they derogatorily called me ‘lekwerekwerenyana’
because apparently, I look foreign, mostly speak English. One day I got into a squabble with one of them and they all ganged up against me. Heela, tlogela bananyana ba ba mamina bale ba ntrape! Tota hela they never loved me. They were fake friends. Frenemies. I just had to learn the hard way. On that miserable day I went home barefoot with a torn dress, bawling my eyes out all the way home. But when I got home, I was scolded for being beaten up by my peers. Kana during our time, black childhood was traumatic. You could get whipped and cry, and then you get whipped again for crying, and you are there thinking, “What the…?”
But that was my introduction to real life… Ah, the good ol’ days!
I recently celebrated my birthday and felt nostalgic.
I’m now grown. For one, I don’t get into physical tiffs anymore. Khi!
I have evolved to be chilled and comfortable in my skin. I might not have all that I want, but I have all that I need. The manifestation of God’s grace and the protection of my dlozi (ancestors) sustains me.
But it has dawned on me that in the next few years I won’t be categorised as ‘youth’ anymore.
Time flew! Sometimes, when I’m at “secret locations,” bopping to amapiano sounds and wiggling to Makhadzi’s addictively ratchet songs, I randomly dance with a bottle on my head. I guess the premature mid-life crisis is already kicking in!
The other day I was having coffee with a friend from high school and she remarked that we are getting “old.” Well, almost: the widening girths and loss of gravity are enough confirmation that we ain’t younger. And we have “adult problems.” When you become an adult, things change: you now have little people depending on you, bills to pay, and you sometimes have to deal with crap to get that pay-cheque and you think, “So, this is it?”
A Facebook friend recently posted: ‘The only reason I wanted to become an adult was to indulge in coitus, I didn’t sign up for this billsand-responsibilities stuff.’ Ha!
Adulthood can get so overwhelming that sometimes you wish you could just fornicate and read the papers.
Former radio presenter Thabiso Nasha once shared on-air how once when he was a kid, he told his father that he wants a swimming pool. His father shoved a shovel in his hand and exclaimed: “Tsamaya o ye go epa, o dire pool!” It was only when he grew up that he understood his father’s actions because nothing falls from the sky like manna… Mo life-ing go a ngakallwa. That’s the long and short of adulting; it’s not for kids, no pun intended!